Honestly? It's Just My Life.

This Fool-

In late 2019/early 2020 I met a man. He was a very sweet man and cared about me a lot...or so I thought.

I was interested in him and he said he was interested in me. We never began a relationship or anything, we just remained close friends. This guy was over 20, and I was underaged. He never asked for my age, but knew I wasn't 18 yet...I never told him my age either. He assumed my age and eventually found out I was a year younger than he thought..he somehow blamed this on me- or so it felt like. I have no proof of him doing this or not doing this. But we mutually agreed our flirtatious friendship needed to end. And it did.
But I never wanted our friendship to end. He began ghosting me after a couple weeks...many months later (mid-late 2020) I found out he lied about me behind my back. Basically imagine Lie Lie Lie by Joshua Basset and that's how I feel.
He ruined a big opportunity for me because he lied to mutual friends of ours. He told our friends that he told me to quick talking to him, but he never did. He told them that I was bothering him a lot because of this- but he never told me to quit. Maybe ghosting is the way the younger generation tells you to back off. He did reply to conversations of ours prior to that, just not very often. Anyway, I was quick to deny it all and spoke to everyone about it, but not him. He still hadn't responded to my message from a month ago.
I knew then and there that there was no going back in our friendship/what he had made it.
I lived for quite some time with an anger towards this man...and I still do.
Last month I joined a Discord server that a mutual friend of ours he created. Mind you, by this time I had blocked this fool on all of his social media (except Dis). When I joined, I was surprised to see the guy there. I had an @ that wasn't familiar to him, so he had no idea who I was. I didn't say who I was, because I didn't want to cause any drama in the server. A lot of great people were there to talk about great things.
As I spoke with a friend (let's call him J) we created a meme together, so I posted it in the server. J and this guy (who I had liked- what this whole story is about...I should probably give him a name...his name is G), G, got to talking and G was picking on J for making memes with a female. J didn't know that I didn't want him to know, so he accidentally told G who I was. He was instantly very cold towards me. I talked to J about what had happened and he apologized to both of us.
Long story short- I send G one last message on Discord asking if we could talk things out. He doesn't reply and tells J that his pastor friend told him he shouldn't. This pastor friend was also lied to and had no idea.
Anyway, so G says he never flirt with me or led me on... I LITERALLY have a screenshot of him asking me to be his Valentine. I have it in my photos right now and it's taking everything in me to not send it to him.
The whole thing is very complicated and I'm sick of it all.
I'm trying to find ways to not be angry towards him and apparently journaling is supposed to help...so why not write it all out and post it to where anyone can get access to it? :)
As I was typing this out, I realized this guy is literally a child and doesn't deserve any of my time. I've probably cried about this when I could've been reading a good book, baking, watching a show or talking to friends who ACTUALLY care about me!!
Yet here I am, wasting my time on fools. But I did bake an apple pie while writing this out, so 🤪

~Tulip:)
1-23-21