I love him
I loved him for everything that he was.
My mundane life came to an abrupt end when he came into life and yet he left just as abruptly. At the start, I simply saw him as another man amongst the gender called males. I now must admit he did have quite the masculine features compared to the average male. Especially his endearing straight forward personality that pairs well with his glistening soft light brown eyes.
However, that is not why I loved him, to the outside world, he comes across as distant and cold man despite his welcoming smile and almost perfect persona. I did not concern myself as to why he keeps such a forged life but at some point in time I grew the desire to know him, to help him. If you asked me why I had such a desire that is unlike my personality, I would not be able to give to you an answer.
But if you asked me what drew my eyes to him, it would be the sound of my fastening heartbeats fueling my desire for him. It was if he was the source of my heartbeats. I would take notice of the little details such as from the way he fixes his hair, to the his habit of saying, "Pardon me, I need to excuse myself to go to the lavatory" whenever he feels frustrated. How I know how he does not actually need the lavatory is my little secret but anyway, the more I discovered about him, the more my feelings grew, the more my desire strengthened, like wood does to fire.
The way he made me feel, no one else that lived on this earth will able to make me feel the same way. I loved him so much, it pained me so much that my health deteriorated for a short period of time.
As a means of escape, I relied on fictional romance stories, from novels to shoujo manga, whatever I could find, I read. What I realized about the heroine of these stories is that what they valued was the happiness of their loved one. Upon that realization, I asked myself, what of my happiness? I could cry a whole ocean, but I know I can never be his happiness. I can never be his loved one, I can never be the one to fasten his heartbeat just from my presences. The simple reality is that I will never hear his voice say, "I love you".
My life was mundane as everyone else, but the thought of him filled me with another desire, to live to the fullest.
I would say he made my world sparkle, but that would be cliché of me. How can love be cliché when we all experience it differently? I may be unable to express my feelings of love, nonetheless, there is still the opportunity to use those feelings to fuel my desire to live as extraordinary as possible.
I would climb Mt Everest or go sky-jumping or even go venturing into jungles, all the same, expressing my feelings is an option that I will never take. I would invest in me, care for me and drown in love with me. Once again, he become another male amongst male, as it should be.
Most of the time, other females would be with him, it is not surprising though, he was quite handsome. I figured he had found his happiness as the way he carried himself to the world changed, not for the worst but for the better. It came to me that he was trying to break through the persona he so desperately built. He grew to be less afraid to be honest and freely spoke his mind. He was learning to love himself. To his surprise, those around him did not treat him unfavorably, rather, they felt more comfortable to open up to him. I may not know what sparked his change, even so, I am thankful to whoever or whatever it was.
Our individual journey to self-love was what brought us together.
Unbeknownst to me, the day where I hear what I long to hear was soon approaching, on a raining day.
"Ezra" he called into my ear with that deep soothing voice, I can't help but melt away except that wasn't an option.
You see, we were sharing an umbrella under the heavy cold rain. The distance that usually separated us was nowhere to be found under this umbrella. We both got off work rather late, given the nearing holiday season. His umbrella broke under the strong winds from the time he last used it. I figured I would give mine to him, for politeness sake, nothing more.
