hijab // z.m. au

0.1 .

muna's pov

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the wind felt like an overused fan on that autumn day, pushing almost all the exam stress away from me in that moment. the tree branches were something like out of an oil painting, black against the boring, pale sky. i wasn't in love with the idea of studying but i had heaps of it to do when i got back home. right now, i was the queen of procrastination and actually, it felt nice.

i clicked away on my phone too busy to realize that it was almost 6 and i eventually had to go home, getting up from the freezing wood park bench and sighing a deep breath, i examined the few people who roamed around the park that tuesday afternoon were very preoccupied in their technology rather than the nature around them.

the insatiable desire for coffee and a warm bed just ate me up right then, forcing me to head back to my car and exhale from the events of that day that just tired me out that i couldn't imagine cramming for multiple tests that same day.

i glanced at myself in the rearview mirror once in the driveway, looking at the bags under my copper-colored eyes and my gray scarf pinned neatly atop and around my face. chapped lips stared back with a sad appearance and I got out of the car in a hurry to get inside the warm house.

"where have you been?" my mother asks from the kitchen, right when i'm about to pass it. i roll my eyes internally and turn to face my mother obediently and open my mouth to respond.

"i've...just at the library. group project." i mumble whilst grabbing a snack. i turn to see a stern look on her face, quite dissapointed to say the least. i try to look as innocent as possible. she shakes her head and sighs and turns back to the stove, busy with making dinner for the night. i took that as my cue to run upstairs while i still could. when i got up, i scattered my books and papers in order for a late into night cramming session. it was an evening filled with scribbling notes and focus music on a loop playing in my ears.

(don't wanna write the rest of that day lmao lazy af xD)

---

an impeccable amount of frustration was spent on taking my exam that following day, friday. procrastination wasn't smart but it sure felt good at the time. dashing out of the english class, i switched books in and out of my locker and spotted a tall figure out of my peripheral vision next to my locker. i slammed my locker shut, walking away.

"wait! hey, muna!" a british voice yelled from across the hallway. i turned around, facing a boy with black locks and a large stature, not to mention long eyelashes for a boy his age. i raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'what do you want?'

"you forgot your english notebook, here." he handed me my precious, note-filled journal and i nodded an appreciative thanks to the odd stranger. i turned around to head back when he touched my arm and i flinched. i was a muslim and didn't expect anyone of the opposite sex to touch me physically if they were outside of my family. it probably wasn't one of the necessities of being a muslim, but i didn't care. i didn't like it at all, so i naturally flinched. he seemed to not have noticed and kept going with his dialogue.

"i heard you're quite brilliant., to say the least. i wanted to know if we could study this afternoon, say around 4-ish? that sound alright? i'm zayn, by the way." i nodded, not quite knowing what to say. in a hurry to get to my next class, i gave a rushed reply.

"look, i don't know. i usually don't study with anyone if i can help it. but if you really do, then sure. 4:00. english only, right?" i questioned, and he nods, trying to calm down a smile from his lips.

"right. well, uh, see ya." he chirps and heads down the science corridor leaving me rushing to my calculus class, and wondering how the hell this afternoon was going to be.

as i let my thoughts fill me up, i found myself walking into ms. crantman's room a minute and a half later than the bell. great. as i awkwardly, adjusted myself into my chair while under everyone's watchful eye, i almost couldn't take it. but eventually, the class resumed its usual routine without me being the odd center of attention. ms. crantman gives me a disapproving look and i try my best to look ashamed while i continue to do my work. i've been a goodie goodie long enough to know that although it was only barely late to class with this time, it didn't matter. teachers expected more from me. better. heck, i don't even know why or how. but they do. perhaps because i've been exceeding so much in my education, but that doesn't mean they should always expect that.

even that boy in the hallway, zayn. he seemed to know i was smart and obviously took it to his advantages by making me his study buddy, just so he could get a good grade. my own mother suspects that my future will be perfect and laid out. but what if it isn't? that day, in calculus i wondered if my future came crumbling down, who would be there for me? and more importantly, who would go running at the first sign of trouble? i had no idea.

soon enough, after a mind-enducing thoughtful class period of calculus functions, i heard the bell ring for the end of the day. packing up my belongings, i headed out the door and before out to the parking lot and to my car, i went ahead to the bathroom to make sure there wasn't any makeup smears of any kind. sure enough, there was.

my hair was obviously in stubborn knots beneath my pinned scarf, forcing me to unpin the scarf and rearrange my scarf. i tried my best to keep my hijab on for the majority of the school day, but if it could be helped, i didn't want to be tugging at my hair at the library with zayn. that would be awkward.

in the midst of all this, a few blonde-haired girls walk into the washroom right then, spotting me without my hijab at the sink. it didn't matter, they were girls, anyway. however, they gaped with shock at my "exposure" and burst into a fit of "sorry"s and "i had no idea". why would it even have to be something to be sorry about?

i was the same person with or without my scarf, wasn't i?