Stars Apart

Hazel ✨✨

My life without Augustus Waters? Pretty much empty and stressful. The only thing that have changed from the past few months is my health. Surprisingly I'm completely healthy, just like other normal teenagers but still not ecstatic about it. I would rather live a momentary life with a Gus by my side than live a long life alone. So yes, Hazel Grace is lonely. Once again. Mom really wants me to move on. For instance, she's actually been forcing me to go to this stupid trip. Apparently her friend's daughter Julia and her "plastic doll" besties are going to this tour to Italy for a month or so. Sounds dreadful but maybe i should at least try to make mom happy. She's been pretty depressed lately because of my condition of course and Julia herself invited me so why not give it a try. Perhaps i SHOULD move on. It's been a year and maybe Augustus would want the same for me too. Eventually, it was the day of my flight. I packed my bag. Not much stuff, just a few T-shirts, jeans, sneakers. Plus my cleanser, toothbrush and two of my favourite books. An imperial Affliction and The Price Of Dawn of course. I'd never leave without them.
"Mom! Where are my earpods!" I glanced through my half open wooden door (which always creaked when opened). It took mom approximately three and a half minutes to come rushing and stumbling in the way to my bedroom. Kids my age are craving this kind of attention from their parents but me? Honestly, I'm just getting annoyed of it now.
"I already put them in your handbag sweetie." She had a spatula in her hand. I guess, she was making grilled cheese for me. She had been feeding me so much food, i literally have started feeling my stomach turn into a football.
"Thanks Mom, are you coming with me to the airport?" She had a floral apron on with some stains on it and her blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. I smiled at her, thinking where would I have been in life if it wasn't for her.
"Of course honey! Your dad will be coming along too. Now c'mon hurry up, we're already late, I'll be waiting downstairs." She softly kissed my forehead and rushed back downstairs. I wondered if I could survive this trip. My room was a complete mess. Clothes bursting out of my tiny closet. Bagpacks and suitcases half open lying on my bed. I didn't had the vivacity to clean up the mess I made. My mind already had so much going on and my arms felt so numb, I was pretty sure they were going to break off any time soon. So yeah, my body didn't have any more energy left. I threw myself on my bed which was so comfortable i never realized that before. I wish i could take a quick nap but time was running out. I pulled my sunflower printed blanket and lightly brushed it against my cheek. It was so mushy, I could dig my face in it and and listen to mellow music all day. Hundred Percent current mood but aargh! The stupid trip (you must be wondering why I'm going in the first place if I'm so exasperated with the word 'trip' that i keep adding the word 'stupid' before it. Doesn't matter, both of them make a good team for me at least.) People are obsessed with travelling. I was too once, but after that trip to Amsterdam I'm totally fed up. So yeah fuck you Peter Van Houten! Before I could finish the scenario going on in my head (which consisted of me grabbing a sword wearing a silver metallic armour with Peter Van Houten in front of me holding a glass of scotch in his hands. I keep cursing him and yeah what else am I doing? Oh yeah, CURSING HIM), my mom called my name out loud. Again. Why would no one ever leave me alone and the person whom i wanted to stick with, left forever. That is totally messed up. I jumped off my bed. (Since when have I started jumping? Jeez Hazel Grace! You're changing! Peep Peep. CHANGE ALERT!) and yeah, New habit. I always skip a block when I'm walking down the stairs. I just did that right now. Again, I'm changing.
"Hazel for God's sake, what took you so long? You're going to miss the flight!" Dad, dad and dear dad, always worrying about at least something. What can keep him from panicking? Um, nothing.
"Dad calm down! I'm abso-italy ready! " Did that just come out of my mouth? I'm not going to use the word change again because i know now it's getting irritating but Hazel Grace is Hazel Grace and she will keep saying change and she will keep on being annoying. I hadn't been like this before. I was never a pain in the ass for anyone, even in my childhood. Suffering from cancer and making everyone worry does not count. So now I've actually started being annoying. Not that I talk too much or chew my food loudly (because that shit is like Kanye West level annoying) It's just that i keep on repeating the same things over and over again. I think the reason is because I actually don't have anything to say to people. I brushed my caramel brown hair off my cheek and smiled at dad, which made my cheeks turn into two tennis balls except they were my cheeks. The airport was approximately ten minutes far from home. I had a purple shirt with a plain extra-extra soft turquoise cardigan and of course black leggings with my boring pale face. The most surprising thing though! I finally let my hair grow down to my shoulders. I had the pixie haircut for almost about two years and now that i finally let it go, I've been getting much more compliments. Hey Hazel! Long time no see. You look so pretty. I like your hair better this way! Hey Hazel your hair looks so cool on you! Hey Hazel, you finally look like a girl (actually that was much more of an insult than a compliment, I'd say) I guess, I'm prettier now. I have started wearing a little bit of tint. Ignoring the fact that it makes my face sticky and i feel like a complete joker but Oh mom what haven't i done for you? I left my face bare today though. I hated flights. They make me wanna puke. It would've been alright if I had someone by my side on the plane with whom I could talk to about An Imperial Affliction but unfortunately no luck.
"So... I guess this is it. Hazel sweetie we don't know how we're gonna survive this whole time without you. " I hated the part with the goodbyes. Why did that word even exist? Why do people find goodbyes so beautiful? It's the ending to every beautiful beginning. It shouldn't even be called goodbye, it should be called badbye. How lame am I. People should rather say see you soon or later on or.... Badbye?
"I know mom! I'm gonna miss you too. Now I'm getting late. Okay?" Mom wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheeks. Not once. That was pretty embarrassing. I mean come on mom, I'M EIGHTEEN and PEOPLE ARE LOOKING. i wish I could scream it out loud but PEOPLE ARE LOOKING. dad also hugged me and kissed my forehead. I had always been a daddy's princess. He immediately turned to Julia.
"Take good care of my girl. " like I was a four year old and Julia was babysitting me while my parents went out. That was such a lame thing dad just said. I guess I was in that phase where all the things your parents do seem embarrassing and just being anywhere or doing anything or basically EXISTING seemed to make no sense. Everybody there was best friends with at least somebody from the group, except Hazel Grace. That is me. Like Julia and her stupid boyfriend who had hair like freddie mercury. He literally looked a 80s rock band member and Julia looked like a little riding red hood in front of him or Snow White. Especially with her bob cut hair. They were the darkest of brown, nearly close to black with her big green eyes. She kind of looked like Alexandra Daddario from a certain angle. Julia and Joe both were wearing red T-shirts with JJ written over with white bold letters. If you get the whole concept, Julia Joe, Joe Julia, JJ. Like how lame is that GROW UP! I really wanted to say that out loud but I was afraid Joe would step on me which means my death will be caused by an extra extra large boy stepping on me. Nowadays, I practically just think everything, I never really say or do it.
"Hey?" I heard someone call me. The voice was unfamiliar. I turned around. There was a guy standing right in front of me. Most probably just my age. I just smiled at him politely. What else was I supposed to do?
"Hello...?" He looked confused. He looked back and then back at me. He wasn't sure what to say. Stupid boy. Stupid boys. Boys are stupid.
"Oh! I'm really sorry. I thought you were someone else. So sorry." It was quite a surprising thing to hear. Who would have thought that there were people who looked like me too? I chuckled softly. That was surprisingly good to hear.
"That's totally fine." I had stopped giggling like an idiot but I was still smiling which wasn't THAT idiotic according to me. But the thing which was stupid was that I was smiling so widely that my hazelnut eyes nearly disappeared. My mom used to tell me the reason they named me Hazel. My eyes. Dad loved my eye colour. So much that he named me after it. I don't mind, Hazel is a pretty name. My grandma used to say i look a bit chinese. She passed away last summer. Why was everyone in my life just disappearing and the only one who left alive was me. Can you believe it? I was the one who should've died. Not Augustus or Grandma or Kobe Bryant. The boy looked confused again. He didn't know what to say. So I spoke instead. "I must be creeping you out right now. I have been mistaken for someone for the first time." I giggled. Once again. Aargh what was with all the giggling Hazel!? He just smiled back flatly. Fake. I could easily tell. At least he could try to fake smile a little better Mr-I'm-confused-all-the-time. Or maybe I was talking unnecessarily alot. I should just shut up. Before I could "fake" smile this time and say nice to meet you whatever whatever, he offered me a handshake. Confused. Not him this time. Me. I felt like we were making a business deal or something. Handshakes gave me that kind of vibe. He smiled. Real. I could tell.
"Will Newman. "