I watched as the electrocardiogram monitor flashed fewer and fewer times a minute. I was losing him. His heart rate slowed into bradycardia. The doctors had left over an hour ago, saying for the final time that there was nothing more they could do.
My best friend was dying.
I didn't know what to do. Luke was my glue that held me together. He'd been in my life since we were both two. 15 long years of friendship was about to be cut short.
I will never understand why bad things have to happen to such good people. Luke always had a smile on his face; he was never in a bad mood. He brightened the room whenever he walked in. His laugh made it impossible to stay mad at him for longer than 2 seconds. He was the epitome of the perfect child - never got into trouble, straight A student, star athlete. He was perfect in every way.
People always joked that we would get married someday. Luke would always just laugh and shake his head, saying, "Molls and I will get married the day that pigs fly. Besides, she's way too good for me." A wink in my direction always accompanied this last part, which I could never figure out. Why the wink? What was he trying to tell me?
I never mustered up the courage to ask him about that wink, and now I guess I'll never know what he meant.
Oh, how I wish it were true. We would get married and live together happily ever after. But life's not a fairytale. I'm finding that out. Instead, the love of my life is dying on the bed in front of me.
-------------------------------------------------------
He was gone. My Luke was gone and he wasn't coming back.
I cried. I cried for hours and hours. I didn't go to school. I didn't leave my house. I barely even left my room. Trips to the bathroom were my only contact with the outside world. My mom would bring food up at every mealtime but I wasn't eating either. I couldn't stomach anything.
It was as if Luke wasn't here, then I didn't want to be here either.
It had been two weeks since that fatal day. I was lying in bed, thinking to myself how no one would ever love me now that Luke was gone. He was the only one that loved me.
My mom came into my room. She sat on the bed beside me, stroking my hair. It was the first time she'd actually come this close to me since The Day. When she would bring the food up, she would normally just lay it inside my door without saying a word. Even she didn't love me.
Today was different. As she sat on my bed, she asked me if I was going to come downstairs today.
I shook my head; there was no way I was ever leaving the comfort of my bed.
"Think about it. Your sister really misses you, too." With that, she left my room, shutting the door behind her like every other day.
I doubt my sister really missed me. She was 3 years older than me and we had never really gotten along. She thought she was better than me in every aspect of life and didn't think I was worth her time. We could go weeks without saying one word to each other.
With a groan, I lifted my body into a sitting position. Even though I was an athlete, after two weeks of basically not moving, I was pretty weak. I stood and hobbled across my room, throwing on some sweat pants and a t-shirt along the way. I made it to my door and stood in the frame, almost gasping for breath.
I'm rethinking my decision to stay in bed for this long now.
As I slowly made my way down the stairs, a death grip on the railing the whole way, I could hear the chatter and the clanking of dishes of my family eating breakfast in the kitchen.
I paused for another second, taking in the sounds of a family eating together.
I was on the outside. I wasn't part of them. They went on with their life whether or not I was there.
I slowly moved into the kitchen, my mother looking up at the movement. She smiled brightly at me and nudged my father. He looked up, noticing me standing in the doorway.
"Molly Dolly, come sit down next to me!" He pulled out the chair on his side of the table. I moved into that spot and took my former place at the table. My mother quickly made up another plate for me and placed it in front of me, along with all the necessary utensils.
I sat down, my head bowed and began shoveling as much food into my mouth as humanly possible. Food never tasted as good to me as it did in that moment.
"Slow down there, tiger. You might hurt yourself," was the smart reply that came from my sister. With a piece of bacon hanging out of my mouth, I looked up and fixed my glare on her.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand me right now, so if you could kindly shut up, that'd be great."
Amy's eyes widened and took on a look of sadness.
"You're right," she said quietly, "I don't understand you or what you're going through. But I do know that I will be here for you every step of the way as we go forward. And I want you to know that I will always love you. You may be a pain sometimes, but that's just how little sisters are. I may act like I want nothing to do with you but that's just how big sisters are. That doesn't mean my love for you is any less. I love you with all my heart and if I could take away all your suffering and make it my own, I would do it in a heartbeat. You're my sister, Molly, and nothing will ever change that."
I could see the sincerity shining through her eyes and could feel and hear the jumbled up emotions of pain, strength, and again sincerity in her words. I was choked up after her little speech and was desperately trying not to cry. Maybe someone did actually love me after all.
My dad chimed in then, too.
" We all love you, Molls. You're the strongest one here right now. Showing your emotion doesn't make you weak. It just means you're human and you're hurt. It doesn't make you any less strong though. You stayed strong by Luke's side for so long, never showing him any weakness because you knew he needed you to be strong for him. But now it's your time to cry."
That opened up the flood gates and tears began to pour down my face. My mother stood up, came to my side, and crouched down to my level in the chair. Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around me.
But at that moment, that was all I needed.
Soon my dad joined the hug from the other side of me, and my sister got up to join, wrapping her arms around me from behind me. I could feel the love almost radiating around the room.
Yeah, this hurt. Yeah, this stung. It's never easy losing someone you love and hold so dearly to your heart. But never forget that there are still people out in the world that still love you.
Because in that moment, I knew my family would always love me irrevocably and unconditionally, no matter what.
I knew they would stay by my side through this grieving process. And I knew they would continue to stay by my side even after that.
Looking around the kitchen that day, I realized that maybe I was wrong when I thought no one would ever love me as much as Luke did.
Because here were three prime examples of people who had nothing but love for me. And let me tell you, it's a great feeling to finally realize that you are loved and that you have been loved your whole life.
And that thought is what brought something to my face that hadn't been there in a long time: a smile.
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This is my short story for the Sour Patch Kids Singles Awareness Day! Don't forget to vote and/or leave a comment! :)
