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I was fucked. This thing I felt for Harry had vaulted right over the crush I was afraid of, and gone straight to full-blown feelings for him. He was being too sweet. How was I supposed to deal with not getting attached to Harry Styles when he was Harry Styles?
He hadn't been to our lockers after second period, but he rarely ever was. His classes were on the other side of the building, and coming back in between would make him late for class. I didn't go to my locker between third and fourth periods for the very same reason.
So it was lunchtime before I saw him again. Walking into the cafeteria, I let my gaze go directly to his table. I had to remind myself he was just my friends when I saw the blond cheerleader beside him. He liked her. It was obvious. He liked her the way he didn't like me. My flutters weren't there now; they were more like an ache in my chest.
Maybe if Harry hadn't kissed me, if I didn't have to face the fact he'd tried me out and not liked me that way, it would be easier to deal with this. But when I saw him with another girl, it served as a reminder that I hadn't been to his liking. Plain and simple, he just wanted me as a friend because I understood what it was like to lose your parents and still survive.
His eyes moved away from the girl and locked on mine. Then he smirked. God, why did he have to smirk at me? I forced a smile I hoped looked real and moved to get into the food line. Daniella hadn't talked to me in second or fourth period today. She'd smiled at me awkwardly, but that had been it. So I figured she wouldn't show up in line and ask me to sit with her today.
All I could do was listen to the conversations around me. I found out from the girls in front of me, who kept looking at Harry's table, that the girl was Kacie. Everyone expected her to be the girl Harry moved on to after Sage. I also overheard that Sage had been in the bathroom crying over Kacie and Harry this morning.
I genuinely felt bad for her. It had to be hard to lose Harry.
By the time I got my tray, I'd also learned that Kacie and Sage were archrivals. So this was probably going to end up a catfight in the hallway...
I didn't even glance at Harry's table when I went to go find a seat. I wasn't going to be pathetic, looking like I was hoping for him to invite me over. Truth was, that was the last thing I wanted. Watching him and Kacie while I ate didn't seem appealing at all. So I made my way to the back doors and went to sit outside at one of the picnic tables.
This wasn't a popular place to eat. It was hot out. Alabama didn't start to cool down until October. Everyone seemed to want to stay in the air-conditioned cafeteria. Only the loners made their way out here. I was a loner, so this fit me. Although when it got colder, I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick it out.
There were five picnic tables outside, and four of them had one person each sitting at them. And on the patch of grass underneath each of the two large oak trees was a student with a sandwich in one hand and a book in the other. This seemed to be my place. I went to the one empty table and set my tray down. Then I pulled out the library book I had stuck in my bag. I could read while I ate.
