My Love, My Bonded

Chapter Twenty Nine

*a/n - happy birthday to our queen daisy ridley 👑🥰 (april 10th)

Time had passed until Rey's cheeks were stained with tears and she felt as if she was drained of liquid. All of the built up emotion of the past three weeks complied into one massive breakdown. She was going through too much pain that her brain didn't allow her to understand.

Normally, people when they reach the age of twenty-one don't partake in wars and Jedi tricks. Most people at the age of twenty-one have held a decently happy childhood where they're just starting their new life. Most people at the age of twenty-one haven't had confusing and undefined relationships with nearly everyone they encounter.

To her, it just wasn't fair. So many people in the galaxy don't have a care in the world except for perhaps gaining more happiness. She didn't understand why she had to have added layers of her life, and as she began to peel back, each one was more raw and ugly as they got closer to who she was at her core.

Even then, she didn't know who she was. She didn't know what her core was, what it represented. She knew who she was to the Resistance. She knew who she was to the First Order. She knew who she was to Jakku. But none of those places knew her.

Even in the people in her life didn't know her. Her friends saw her as a strong asset to use against the war. Leia saw her as their last hope. Luke had seen her as a broken wish. Kylo was the only unpredictable one. In some moments, she wondered if he viewed her as his romantic partner. Other times it seemed they were enemies. And each time they interacted, it changed.

Kylo Ren knew her better than any of them but she still couldn't decide if he knew her at her very core and if he didn't, she didn't want to let him find out.

There was another battle occurring within her, brewing beneath the facade she presented. The mask she wore on her face was thinning as it shedded of the layers of false hope. She was afraid people would see the torment going on inside.

A constant battle between the Light and Dark tore through her heart. Rey made her decisions in the Light but her emotions controlled her so strongly that she couldn't deny the appeal of the Dark, of the passion. She could have the life she wanted in the Dark.

Rey could have a handsome husband and wonderful kids by her side. She could travel the galaxy and see every green planet she wanted. She could try every food she wanted to try and have an abundance of it whenever she snapped her fingers. People could quiver at her feet. She could control anything that tested her as she grew in her power. She could become the Supreme Lady of the First Order while Kylo Ren sat by her side.

She could have Kylo Ren. They could become one flesh together without the guilt of her past. She could openly express her affection for the man behind the mask and yet, she knew it wouldn't be possible.

Rey sniffled at her deep thought process and she forced herself up. She treaded down the ramp, wiping at the tears. She stumbled a bit but gained her footing and made it to her destination, the women's bathroom. After leaving her waste, she splashed her face with water to wash away the salty tears and red, puffy eyes. It seemed to do the trick well enough for her and she scurried out of the room only to be met with General Leia waiting expectedly at the door.

"Rey," She began with an old smile. "I've been waiting to talk to you all night."

"General!" Rey said, tugging on her dress straps and wiping at her face again. "What is it you want to talk to me about?"