Avengers: Jr. Stark (Avengersxteen)

Chapter 3

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since the bank robbing mission with Peter. My concussion still isn't healed which means I can't go on missions, watch tv, play sports or even go to school. Most days I end up just laying in bed staring out the window. The team does come visit weather that be individually or together but they can't spend 24 hours of the day with me. The days blend together and even just waking up has become monotonous.  These feelings were not new to me at all. I have had them for quite some time but I always had plenty of distractions to keep me busy. I buried my feelings in a safe and locked them away never to be seen again. But now with nothing to keep me busy my mind wandered. It discovered all of those old feelings I had but now they were stronger after being pushed away for so long. 

The team had gone out on another mission. I was home alone, because of his superhuman recovery rates Peter was already cleared to return days ago. My stomach growled and I stumbled down to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I walk around pacing between the cabinets and fridge waiting for something amazing to magically appear. I settled for a bowl of pineapple and returned to my room. Once finishing I laid down and started to think.

What if mom was here? What if the accident never happened? What if she didn't die? What if I died instead? At least I wouldn't have to sit here doing nothing. What if dad finds out? NO! Dad can never find out. But he's always yelling at me for screwing up. Maybe he just has high expectations. I don't know. I just can't seem to find the energy to care anymore.
I pause my ramble for a second to realize how little I felt things affected me before. I was numb, desensitized to the world. I needed to feel something, even if it wasn't a pleasant feeling. I walk to the training room to find Bucky's pocketknives and switchblades.
"He'll never miss one. He has plenty of others."
I go back into my bathroom and lock my door. I stand over the sink tracing the blade on my arm and my wrist. The blood seeped out of the cuts and dripped into the sink. I winced in pain every time the blade made contact with my skin but I finally felt something. Even if it was pain. I spent over an hour in the bathroom taking out my frustration on my arms. I lost count of how many cuts I had but I didn't care. As long as I was careful nobody would find out. Some of the cuts were still bleeding so I wrapped them in gauze and put a hoodie on. My arm stung when the sleeves rubbed up against my cuts but I was good at hiding my pain.

Around 10 minutes later I hear the jet pull in and the door of the compound open and close.

"Jr? Where are you?" It's Peter.
"I'm up here Peter, in my room."
He runs into my room. "Hey." He smiles. "We brought you back a little somethin somethin."
"Oh?" I ask trying to sound surprised.
"Here you go. You're favorite." Peter holds out a Ben and Jerry's pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

"Thanks Peter." I smile and pull him into a hug. We sit on my bed eating our ice cream while Peter tells me about the mission. I enjoyed the company. We both fell asleep after finishing our snacks. I'm woken up by Peter shaking my shoulder as JARVIS lets us know dinner is ready. I can smell the pizza before we even officially enter the kitchen.

"Mmmm smells good."
We all sit down to enjoy the various kinds of pizza on the table. At one point after finishing his drink Thor smashes his cup on the ground.
"ANOTHER!" He screams.
Peter and I burst into a fit of laughter and eventually everyone else does too, except my dad.

"Thor what have I told you about smashing glasses at my house?"
"Sorry Stark. Couldn't help myself I guess."
We make it through the rest of the meal without another incident.  Wanda suggests we play some games to pass the time since I can't watch tv.

"Like we would when we were kids." Peter mentions.
"Jr are you yo for that?" My dad asks.
"Yeah sounds good, I'll meet you guys in the living room." 

I go pull some board games out and the team sits in a larger circle around the room. Chatter and laughter fills the air and even though I'm sitting right here I feel more disconnected than ever. I do my best to stay present during the board games and around 10:30 the team starts to go their own way.

"Goodnight guys. Goodnight Jr."
"Goodnight dad." I hug him careful not to irritate and bother my cuts.

I felt numb again. I felt like everything was out of my control but I couldn't find the motivation to do anything about it. I head back into the bathroom and find the pocket knife I've hidden in my room. I slowly unwrap the gauze exposing countless raw and fresh cuts. Once again I take action on my arm adding to the numerous already existing cuts. My arm is bleeding steadily and I'm interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door.

"Who is it?"
"Hey doll it's me. Can I come in?"
"Umm can it wait Bucky, I'm kinda busy."
"Please? It's important."
"Okay one sec Bucky."

I completely forget to rewrap my injured arm as I pull my hoodie sleeves down, hide the knife, and clean the blood. I swing open the bedroom door breathing heavily.

"Hey Bucky. What can I do for you?"
"Can I uh come in for a second?"
"Umm yeah sure, come in."

I step aside leaving Bucky ample room to walk in. He takes a seat in the rolly chair by my desk. He spins around on it like a little child making me laugh a bit

"Is there something I can do for you Bucky?"
"I just wanted the company." He looks up and smiles. "Why is it so weird for me to want to spend time with my little sister?"

"I'm not your sister Bucky."
"Not by blood, but yes you are my little sister."
He gets up and comes over to hug me. I very hesitantly accept his gesture of affection.

"Let me ask you a question kiddo."
"Fire away."
"How are you feeling?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?"
"You know it's not like you were in a serious car accident, broke your ribs, fractured your skull, got a concussion you know things like that."
"Bucky I told you I'm fine." I smile to try and persuade him more. It doesn't fool him. Bucky always knew when something was up even when I was a toddler.
"Is there something you wanna tell me doll?"
"Yeah." I mumble.
"What is it?" He asks softly.
"Next time you're bored go bother Steve alright."
He stands up shocked, mouth open slightly.
"Fine if you don't want my attention you won't get it." He grumbles. "Goodnight Jr." he calls as he walks out of my room.

As soon as Bucky left my room I head back to the bathroom. I roll my sleeve up smearing the blood that had been slowly staining my dark hoodie sleeves. That was close. A little too close. I pull my hoodie off and use peroxide to get the stain out. I wrap my cuts in gauze again and put on pjs. I laid down staring at the ceiling not being able to sleep. I was in for a long week.