Saving Grace

Chapter one

Billie's POV:

Usually don't but, TW: Depressive thoughts.

***

"Billie?" I hear a distant voice call.

"Billie" louder. Then hands waving in front of me.

"Huh? What?" I notice my mom.

"What's gotten into you lately, you keep spacing out" her brows crease as she looks me over like I am unwell.

"Nothing" I mumble in reply and get off the couch.

"I just want to be alone, if that's okay" I say emotionless, already walking in the direction of my bedroom.

I dramatically fall on my bed with a loud sigh. I am over my life. I miss having friends who love me for me. I wish to go out into the world and do normal things, like a normal person.

Sometimes I do go into my DMs just to see what people are saying. Some are amazing and makes me want to write back to them, showing my appreciation and that I care. Others are down right horrible and should be banned from social media all together.

I often find myself feeling like this, however I am usually able to defeat it in a week or so. It's been 6 months now, obviously not this in depth, but 6 months nonetheless.

I am exhausted.

Exhausted on living each day the same, it's too much to handle. The constant dull conversations, I wonder what it would be like to feel alive again.

***

A week, or so I think, has passed with the same ol' things.

I'm currently laying on my bed staring at the ceiling, a form a mediation I am trying from one of my moms friends. They say it's meant to help, so I'm trying.

I take another breath, focusing on nothing important, trying to not allow my thoughts to wander.

Inhale, 1..2..

I suddenly hear my parents voices.

"Do you think we should go through with this?" I hear my dad say to my mom.

"I don't think we have a choice, Patrick. At this point I'm willing to try it all. She hasn't sung a single lyric in what feels like months" she replied letting out a long sigh.

No exaggeration, it has been months.

"She hasn't even picked up an instrument" I hear her voice shake.

I hate scaring them like this, it's not my intention, I just can't help it. I've lost myself.

Sigh.

"Shit" I curse out loud, throwing my arms down on the bed before pulling myself up to a seated position, realising I've failed yet another attempt of this meditation.

This time I allow my thoughts to wander, giving in to the urges of overthinking and daydreams.

I find myself smiling at the thought life could be different than this. I could be happy, again.

Daydreaming is such a powerful thing. It can allow an escape, a different version of this moment. It can motivate you but make you feel more sad than ever when you come back to reality.

The temptation gets the better of me and before I know it, my feet are carrying me to the voices of my parents.

"What are you planning on doing with me?" I interrupt them with my question.