as of right now I'm crying in the bathroom, I hate it. I hate my body so much.
you see, in 2010 I joined one direction, so in 2011 when I realized how much I hate my body I was too deep in with modest to say anything. I've seen what they did to Harry, they threatened to kick the band off the label. Harry's been portrayed to the media as a womanizer ever since than. poor lad. my luck was that I'm only into girls. the problem is... that... I am a girl... wow I've been burying this deep. It's not easy to admit but well, people say that the first step in solving a problem is to admit you have one. so I did it. I've been free from modest for a while but the media already had they're image of me, and the pressure to keep the public persons, to make the fans happy... well it held me back from freeing myself. I need to talk to my family.
I wipe my eyes and get off the floor walking to my Livingroom propping up my laptop. as shitty as it is, because of covid I'm going to come out on face time. I call Greg first.
after a few rings he picks up
"Niall!"
"Greg!"
"How are you?"
"umm. ok, I need to talk"
"is it serious?"
"very"
he frowns in curiosity
"I'm alone, talk"
"fir the past 10 years I've been lying to myself, to everybody, I've come to a realization with myself today"
"what is it?"
his face is warm and caring
"Greg...I'm trasgender"
he's socked, he says nothing for a few seconds
"are you for real?"
"yes Greg I'm serious"
"well I support you 100% sister"
"thank you"
"what do you want to be called?"
I haven't really thought about it
"how about, Cailín Rose Horan?"
"that's perfect Cally"
I laugh
"thank you Greg, you're the best brother ever"
"you're the best sister"
"could you tell the news for your wife and Theo for me?'
"sure"
"well I've got to talk to mom and dad bye Greg"
"bye Cailín "
the call ends and I take a deep breath before calling my mom
"Hello sweetie"
"hey mom"
"how are you?"
"I'm ok can we talk?"
"is something wrong honey?"
"not really, umm, mom I need to tell you something"
"ok dear"
"I'm a woman"
"what?"
"I'm trans mom"
she smiles
"I always wanted a baby girl! why didn't you say anything?"
"well it's been hard to admit it even to myself"
"oh baby I'm here for you"
"my name now is Cailín Rose Horan ok ma?'
"of course dear"
"thank you mommy, I need to call dad ok?"
"of course"
"bye mom"
"bye love"
with a smile I call my father
"Niall, hey"
"hi dad, can we talk?"
"yeah sure"
"I'm trans"
he's silent
"what?"
"I'm a girl dad"
more silence
"shit, I didn't see it coming but I love you daughter"
I smile
"my name is Cailín Rose Horan"
"beautiful name"
"well I'll go now"
"bye Cailín "
"bye daddy"
I end the call with a smile
this went well
but I'm afraid this was the easy part of this journey
YOU ARE READING
NOT NIALL
FanfictionIt is 2021 and after 11 years of career, and 6 years away from modest, superstar Niall Horan finally admits to himself a long repressed truth. but the journey will not be easy.
