I've Got This Friend ( c.h )

Chapter 21

I laid alone in the hotel room, blasting over emotional music in my ears and reading some stupid book that Ashton had brought along. I don't know why I was reading it to be honest. I guess I was just bored at this point and this was the only thing that I could think of doing besides rereading the book that I had bought for myself. I only bought one book with me because I expected the boys would keep me busy; the last thing I expected was to be alone.

I rolled my eyes and shut the book, glancing at the clock that now read 1:53am. Next, I reached for my phone to see if Ashton had called or texted me telling me that he was going to be back late. He went out with Luke and Calum earlier which left me alone because Michael and Molly were celebrating an anniversary of something that I can't remember. I'm pretty sure that it was something stupid and irrelevant though.

My phone screen remained blank and I remained clueless.

I yawned and decided that if I wanted to get any sleep, I should probably do it now because I could use all the sleep possible. Between my nightmares and constantly being woken up by screaming fans outside the hotel, I hadn't gotten much sleep lately. I also knew that tomorrow was the last show of the American leg of the Take Me Home Tour which meant that we would probably be busy tomorrow and we'd probably be out celebrating tomorrow night until who knows what time.

I changed out of the shorts that I had thrown on after my shower and into a pair of sweatpants because even though we were in California, it still got unbelievably cold at night.

I plugged in my phone so that it could charge and didn't bother to set an alarm because I didn't know what time we had to be up and I'm sure that either Ashton or Molly would make sure that I was awake for whatever the occasion was.

"Do you love me?" Calum's voice whimpered through the door as I sat on the other side, avoiding him and his depressed gaze.

"Calum, you can't keep asking me that." I rejected the idea of an answer.

"I can."

"Sto-"

"I'm going to keep asking you until I get a real answer Peyton."

"What if I never give you a real answer?"

"Then-" He paused mid statement, "I don't know. I didn't think that far in advance. I just assumed that I would get a decision out of you eventually, ya know?"

"Well, now that you're thinking about it, what would you do if I didn't give you an answer."

"I'd probably have to stop being friends with you."

"Really?" My voice was a combination of confusion and surprise, even though I don't think that I should've been surprised.

"I guess. I can't think of any other alternative that would help or even get close to fixing the situation."

I didn't have a response to his answer. Like, how are you supposed to respond to that answer.

"Peyton, are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Do we have to have this conversation through a door?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to see you."

"That's a little rude, don't you think?" He let out a lighthearted sigh.

"You just told me that if I didn't tell you if I loved you or not that you would stop being my friend. I think that's ruder than having a conversation through a door."

"I think that you're wrong." Calum immediately told me. "Come on, please let me in."

"No."

"Well, if you aren't going to let me in, at least give me an answer."

"To?"

"Do you love me?"

My heart was racing and my palms were getting sweaty. "Calum," I started knowing that if I didn't finish the statement that we would just be stuck in a constant repetition of this conversation and of our current lifestyles of being friends and then avoiding each other for weeks on end.

"PEYTON!" Ashton screamed as he walked into the hotel room and flipped on every light possible. He didn't sound happy either, which was weird but then again who knows anymore.

"What the hell Ash?" I wasn't happy that I had been woken up, even if it was from a nightmare. I needed to know what my answer was and what his reaction was because in reality I still didn't have the answer to the questions. "Are you drunk?"

"It doesn't matter." I'll take that as a yes. It was weird because I felt like I was the one who was constantly drunk and Ashton being drunk while I was sober was a completely different perspective.

"What time is it?"

"Time for some answers." I rolled my eyes like usual and saw that it was 4am.

I had so many unanswered questions and now that he had been inconsiderate and woke me up, he was going to have to answer them. "Why the hell are you just getting back at 4am? Where did you guys even go? How did you even get alcohol when Calum and Luke are only 17?"

"Shhhhh." He hushed me and walked closer to me. "This is my time to talk, not yours." He informed me.

"Ok." I replied and sat there, waiting.

I grabbed my phone and went into the voice memos, learning from my experience with the drunk phone conversation with Calum. I had to record this so that when Ashton accused me of lying to him about the conversation, I'd have proof. Plus, then maybe I could actually talk to him when he was sober about whatever he wanted to talk about.

After a minute of not a single sound coming from the child in a teenage boy's body, I decided that I should speak again. "Ash?"

"Oh sorry." He apologized, realizing that I had been waiting for him to say something to me. "I'm so fucking pissed."

"Why?"

"Because of you. You're fucking around with Calum's feelings and he's not himself. I had to go get him drunk to even have fun. All he ever fucking does is sit in his room and write sad songs or love songs and it's all your fault."

"What do you want me to do about it Ashton?"

"Make up your mind and fix him. I'm so fucking done with the drama between you two and I think that you need to grow a pair of balls and own up to all your shit." He cursed.

"I think that you need to go to bed."

"I think that you are wrong." Ashton yawned out.

"We can talk about this tomorrow, ok?" It was 4am and I didn't have a single logical thought in my head beyond recording the conversation between us.

"Fine." Ashton pouted.

"Make sure you lay on your side when you sleep." I reminded him as I got up and grabbed the trash can from next to the desk and placing it next to his bed. I watched him climb into the sheets and made sure he was on his side and close to the bin before I turned off all the lights and found myself staring at the ceiling.

Sure, Ashton had been drunk but everything that he had told me made me feel like complete utter shit because I knew that he was right. I didn't have the right to keep playing around with Calum's feelings because I know it would probably suck if I was in the same situation.

I didn't know how long I wanted to have to think about a decision, but I knew that I had to have it before I left to go back to Australia after the LA House. Hell, I should probably make the decision while in the LA house because the worst thing that could happen is-

Actually, I'd need to know my decision before I could imagine the worst thing possible and that was a problem.