Blue Eyes♤ AOT x Titan shifter

bad beginnings

(you may correct me if i am wrong but i dont know exactly when hanji comes into the survay corp so i kinda just massed hanji being with isabelle and farlan together.....)

+=+= some self harm warning =+=+

I was hanging the sheets out on the line so they could dry, it had rained the prior day, so i didn't have time to dry them, summer win has blew and a surprise to my eyes, the survy corp was back, they has gone out on an expedition a while ago so i was here at the hq alone, i was so exited i cant wait to hear about the progress they made, I had put the last sheets up as i ran back inside and down the stairs, i has opened up the door to revel a somber looking erwin, it didnt phase me, as usual when he came back there were people that died, so this was normal, i wanted to quickly find Isabella to hear about her story's, no matter how dark they seemed she always told me the best out of it all, i had been impatiently waiting, watching, but she never showed, i stared to get worried i mean...should couldnt of died right, she is with levi, he protected her and farlan right!?.....Wait where is levi.......he couldnt...be dead either...right? i was frantically looking around trying to find the raven haired man, "(y/n).....over here"  a wave over releif washed over me as i heard his voice, i had a smiled on my face, but it slowly started to fade....levi seemed different, yall he is usually cold......but he never looked like this "levi...where is farl-""dead......there both dead" he said and walked away, strange thing was is that i didnt cry....i was just....in shock, how is it that i just saw them...and now there dead....what happened! they had levi of all people! my feelings were torn, should i be mad at erwin , my self or levi....

i was hastily walking down the halls making my way to levis office, i needed to talk to him, at this point i didnt care if he didnt wanna talk about it, i needed to, i had reached his door and knocked....usually there is a "name and/or business" but there was nothing, this sick feeling washed over my body as i heard a click, like the sound of a gun loading, My pupils constricted as i felt the adrenalin rush through me veins, my shoulder had can in contact with the door, breaking the lock along with it, my eyes widened at the sigh levi had the barrel of the gun placed in his mouth, it was like i was some kind of super human, i had put all of my strength into my foot breaking the floor board making my way to levi before he could pull the trigger, i had gotten it out of his hands as i was huffing from my adrenalin high..." HAVE YOU FUCKING LOST IT" I had tears daring to spill from my eyes, i had just lost isabelle and farlan, i could lose him to.....i had looked into his eyes....they almost seemed life less....he didnt utter a word 

 " why the hell would you try to kill your self...do you really want there memories dyeing with you???? they would want you to live on for your self! live your life for them! it doesnt matter if it was your fault, you cant changed what happened, but you can change what will happen, this isnt what they would want" "and how the hell would you know" his eyes stared daggers into my soul tears were spilling from my right eye "because who the hell would, who would want someone to die because of them, i would want them to live on!" damn it, my grip on the gun tightened digging my nails into its wood "you need rest, ill get erwin to give us some days off.....i think we all need it...." and with that i left.