looking forward

chapter one

I never tought I will ever be in this position.And it hurts more than I would've been expected.I was in a hospital,and I was not the one you should worry about.I was actually a monster.A selfish monster that hurt people...I hurt Marzena. I hurt my girlfriend, the love of my life,my everything. 

I saw a nurse and I asked her what is Marzena's room. She told me it was room 230,at least that's what I heard because I was ugly crying.I was so close to her room right now .I had to stop crying.I had to do it for her.I need to be strong...for her.I slowly opened the door expecting to see her smiley face but-

''She doesn't have a heartbeat!" I hear the nurse shouting and I start to panic.

"We will lose her!" She said again,making my stomach hurt so bad.I felt lost.I felt like I was drowning.Those people were all passing by me trying to save her and I just can't do anything...

"No!C'mon!" The doctor yelled again.I could've see the panic in her eyes.I was afraid of her telling me-

"She's gone."

She's gone. Marzena is gone.And all because of me.I start crying and suddenly I can't feel my legs.I can't feel my whole body.I can't see anymore and the last think I remember is falling on the hospital's floor and doctors coming to me and asking if I'm ok. But now everything is blank.

Did I die? Probably.I turn my head and I see a woman.A tall woman with a long beige dress,very heavenly,with small lace floral details. She has long red hair with some subtle beach curls.

That's when I realized it was her.It was my girlfriend.I rubbed my eyes being confused of what happened and I saw a field full of flowers.She was still there,now running to me.Her bright green eyes staring at me melted my broken heart.They looked like two emeralds.We used to talk about our future kid's eye color.I always told her I would be honored if they will have her beautiful eyes,but she used to tell me how much she loved mine.

" Your eyes remind me of a cold winter night,coming home from school and seeing my mom waiting for me in front of our house." I remember her telling me,both of us looking at the big piles of snow through the steamed window. "She used to ask me how was my day and hug me with a warm smile on her face,giving me a cup of hot chocolate with caramel and cinnamon. Her hot chocolate was the sweetest thing in the world and your eyes reminds me of it.They have the same color and when I look at them my soul feels safe and warm"

I keep looking at her face.She looks like an angel.She has very pale skin and her whole face is covered in beautiful freckles.

"I love my freckles because I got them from my mom.She used to tell me they are angel kisses and that made me fall in love with them.During summer they became so dark that my dad nicknamed me 'dottie'."She used to say that every time a stranger appreciated her 'angel kisses'.

She keeps running,but somehow very slowly.All of this feels like it's in slow motion.And I like it,because I don't want this moment to end.

She suddenly stops and pick a flower.A violet.That's my favourite one.

"What's your favourite flower darling?" She asked me while running through the field.It looked exactly like this place that I'm currently trapped in.

"Violets.I like their color,it looks so royal and mysterious .They are very lovely flowers and I like how the green matches them.What is YOUR favourite flower angel?"I said with a giggle.

"Oh,mine are sunflowers.They give me such good vibes,I look at them and it's enough to make my face brighten and a smile appear on my face!Hey,let's make some flowers crowns with these daisies,there are a lot of them!" She started picking some and carefully braid them into two crowns.They looked perfect.She handed me one and I put it on my hair ,then we continued to sing some of our favourite melodies.

When i stop thinking about the beautiful memory she was not there anymore.I started panicking. Did she lea-

"Hi darling" I hear her voice from behind.I turn to that direction and I see Marzena with a crown flower in her arms.This time it's made of violets.She puts the ethereal thing on my head while I look again at her face.She never looked that unbothered. She seems like she's just living in the moment and nothing else is going through her head right now.She lifts up my chin so I can look straight in her eyes,I also observe she has a crown on her head too...and she hugs me. Her arms' touch feels so unreal,I could stay there wrapped in her hands forever.

"We didn't have the chance to get married"She speaks.

"I don't have a ring or the time to marry you,because I would,right now darling.So I give you this crown.Consider this a promise ring. One day I will see you again and we will be together for the rest of our lives.We will get married and have a child and have a happily ever after.Never forget I am here with you.I am your protector,your angel.I am not gone forever,consider it a long vacation." She says with a smirk on her face so I can see her cute dimples.Her words really made me feel better,just the fact that she's speaking with me right now is something I can't believe.

"Don't make this harder for u sweetie,move on,will you really wait the rest of your life for me? I am gone,you know that.You saw me dying,right?"I turn around and I see that the voice is also Marzena's, but it's not the same person that told me those sweet words a couple minutes ago.This person has a glittery short purple dress and her hair is in a ponytail.She made me confused and I just can't understand how she-

"No." Another person responds.I am scared of seeing another person just like the first ones,but I turn around and I see nothing but a third version of my girlfriend.She has her hair cut short and straight.She wears a medium length black dress and very high heels.Her eyes are darker than the other ones'.

"You are the reason I am dead right now.You need to suffer.This is all your fault and you need to understand this.You will never see me again and I am glad because I don't want to see your face."She says while she's ruining my crown of flowers.Her words made me feel so guilty,maybe because it was true,maybe because it was really all my fault that she died and I can understand her hurtful words.

"You ruined my life Amadrya. You killed me.You are a murderer"