It's a chilly night, as I sit on the edge of the balcony of Sway, I gaze off at the midnight sky pondering and contemplating my life decisions.
My entire life I've concerned myself with the well-being of others. I give the advise and put my friends in front of both my mental and physical health, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I feel like I'm losing a piece of myself everyday and feel I don't know who I really am anymore. My friends and the people I live with in Los Angeles are my people, but in the back of my mind I feel like they're just gonna leave like everyone else does. That's why I try so hard to help them so they'll want me around more often. I moved out to Los Angels about three and a half months ago for the sole purpose of growing my career in social media and music, but little did I know that me moving out here introduced me to the people that make me feel truly happy. But it's not just the people that have came into my life, it's the atmosphere that the city brings with it, I live for the feeling of consistent freedom that comes with living in this town and I wouldn't change that for the world, but at the same time I still feel incomplete. Recently I've realized that I've never felt love, and when I say that I mean falling in love. Sure I've had a few relationships but they never made it past a month or two, and I can't help but think that I'm the problem. I mean all I want is some person to come into my life and fuck me up and let me feel that kind of love with them to the point where it hurts to be without them, and I want that person to love me to the point where every little thing around them reminds them of me. I just wanna feel love so badly.
All of a sudden someone comes up from behind me and taps me on the shoulder.
But I barley noticed since I was so deep into my thoughts. "Bianca" the person says, snapping me back into reality. "Hmmmm" I turned around to see my best friend Amelie "Oh hey Ame!". "What are you doing out here? You missed the countdown" I look at her then stare at the window behind us to see all our friends laughing and dancing. "You know Ame, I never realized how lucky I am to have you guys in my life" I said causing her to climb out the window and sit next to me " Is everything okay B" she said looking at me "Everything's perfect" I said hesitantly realizing if I told her about my thoughts it would make her feel bad. " Okay well we should head back inside I'm shocked you didn't go back in earlier it's frickin cold out here"she said grabbing my hand leading me back inside of sway.
@Bianca.Mallet
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@Bianca.Mallet- can't wait to see what this year unfolds for me. happy 2020 everyone, I love you all. Liked by @JoshRichards and 437,349 others
@AmelieZilber- I love you babes ↪️ @Bianca.Mallet- I love you more Ame ↪️ @user23- Stan this friendship for clear skin
@JoshRichards- where's my photo creds? ↪️ @Bianca.Mallet- whoops my bad ↪️ @user4- ship ↪️ @Tyler.Mallet- not tyler approved
@Charli.Damelio- woah you're perfect ↪️ @Bianca.Mallet- I love you ↪️user3- stop hyping her up
@Biancasangels- Happy New Year Bianca ↪️@Bianca.Mallet- Happy New Year sweetie
@Mama.Mallet- I miss you everyday and can't wait to see you soon ↪️@Bianca.Mallet- I love you mama
@JadenHossler- This is going to be your year ↪️@Bianca.Mallet- I sure hope so
@VinnieHacker- Where's our photo ↪️@Bianca.Mallet- I'll post it one day
