Dream~ {Victor x Yuri}

{Chapter 19}

Yuri's Pov:

It has been two days since Victor died... my world feels empty without him... cold.. dark.. I feel like my purpose.. my support... has been so roughly and brutally ripped away from me.

I'm laying in our... I'm laying in my bed, my knees pulled up to my chest, my eyes puffy but not from crying.. I can't cry anymore. I have cried so much my eyes dried up.. I have screamed so much my voice died down.

I have begged God to give Victor back. I have begged for it all to have been a nasty dream.. To close my eyes and wake up with Victor next to me.. healthy and well..

But nothing of that ever happened. Victor is gone... the hospital room he used to be in is empty now... the hospital bed he has spend the last months in... empty... or occupied by a complete stranger..

Victor is g-..

I get snapped out of my depressing thoughts and hear the door open. I still live with my parents after all and even though I told them to not bother me... to leave me to mourn.. they worry.

"Yuri... darling.. you need to eat something.. you haven't touched your food since this morning..." she whispers and I slowly sit up. I know I haven't. How could I eat? How could I eat knowing Victor will never hold me again? Never tell me he loves me again?

"I'm going for a walk..." I let out in a soft broken voice and walk past her, putting on my shoes at the door and grabbing my coat, putting it on. But instead of grabbing my own scarf I grab Victor's and wrap it around me, moving it up over my nose. For a moment it feels like he is right next to me... Like we are going on a casual walk..

But he isn't. I know that by now. I walk out and head down the streets, my eyes not moving up to look around, merely staring at the pavement. Watching the lines go by as my feet pick up speed and before I know it I'm running. I'm running until the grey pavement turns into brownish grey sand. I slow down and finally raise my head.

The sea... its wild... chaotic... rough. Just like how I'm feeling right now. My heart is a messy chaos of pain, sorrow, disbelief and hatred. Hatred for the damn illness he had. Hatred for whichever upper being decided he was going to be cursed with it. And hatred for that same being for ripping Victor away from me.

I sit down in the sand and clench my fists. It was at this exact beach Victor told me he was going to get better... he promised me he would get better... and look at me now. Now I'm here all alone...

"Victor.. please.. take me with you.. I can't do this anymore. I want the pain to stop...".

That whimper escapes my lips but falls on deaf ears. Life isn't going to allow me to leave just yet. Life isn't going to allow me to be with Victor... because otherwise it wouldn't be suffering now, would it?

I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep. Hide away never to be found again. Maybe then this life can finally stop hurting me.

-a couple days later-

Yuri's Pov:

Today is Victor's funeral. With the help of Yakov and the other Yuri we managed to make something out of it. We are playing music Victor has skated to. The room is decorated with delicate flowers and he is dressed up in a fine suit. He still... doesn't look right. This isn't my Victor.. this is but a shell of the man he was.

I stare at his body. His eyes that are now closed so calmly, his lips that are ever so slightly parted. His hands that are holding the flowers and the wedding ring still around his finger.

I move a couple of his thin, grey hairs out of his face and caress his cold cheek. "I love you Victor... one day I'll be with you again...".

I've decided on something important. I'm going to continue and try to live on. I'm going to continue skating. I will make Victor proud, over and over again. I will dedicate my dancing to him. Because on the ice while I'm dancing... I'm sure he will be there. Dancing with me in unison. If it is not his body then it is his soul that'll continue to stay with me.

Victor... your body may leave me completely today... but your soul is always with me.

The funeral is meaningful and calm. Of course people cry, I do as well, but it is okay. Once it is over Victor's coffin gets closed up and I am the last one to look at him. My handsome husband... my Victor.

"Goodnight Victor.. sleep tight."

The coffin gets lowered in the ground soon after and the grave gets covered up. I have chosen an elegant headstone with his name and age on there. And in elegant letters it says at the bottom: 'We will meet again in our dreams'.

My dream to win gold might have come true.. but oblong the way I have discovered that my lifetime dream wasn't just to win a gold medal..

My dream was to love. And it got fulfilled as well. I learned how to truly love someone. To love someone unconditionally. Agape.. as one would call it.

Victor knew back then when he assigned Eros to me that I already knew Agape. Back then I was unsure of it but now I know what was going on in his head.

Victor.. you are my Eros, you are my Agape.. you are my dream.

And I will see you again in my dreams.