Second Chance

Time

It had been a week since the incident which took away Edward from me forever. And also from John.
I was now sitting on Edward’s bed thinking of him. I still blamed myself for being so stupid. If it was not because of me, he would still be here.
I did love Edward. I really did. He might only be my boyfriend’s twin brother, but I loved him like a best friend, and I had recently just realized that I did not only love him like that, when he took the bullets for John and I.
He was always there for me when I was sad, especially when the cause involved John. I could not possibly talk to John about my problems then and Edward would always be there for me and cheer me up. He would joke around with me and make me laugh.
He was more sensitive than John and was not any less caring than John. He might not be my boyfriend but he was also very protective of me. Like on the night when he got killed… John did not plan to follow me but Edward did. He truly cared about me. I knew John did too but he was too mad at that moment to chase after me.
“He loves you way too much,” Edward would always hold me in his arms while I was crying and tell me when I got into an argument with John, “Sometimes he just can’t think straight because he’s madly in love with you.”
And I finally understood how hard it must be for him. To hold his twin’s girlfriend in his arms and comfort her when he clearly did not only cared about her as his brother’s girlfriend or his best friend. He loved me like John loved me. It must hurt him to do that. But he did it anyway because I needed it.
I was such a bad person. How come I realized everything so late? When nothing could be fixed anymore?
I heard the door being opened downstairs and I walked down to find John coming back. He went out for a walk and this time I gave him the space he wanted. After the incident I had learnt a lesson. I would stand in others’ positions to think.
“John,” I said while he took off his jacket, “Are you… Okay?”
John and I were alright together after Edward’s death, but we had not talked much. He was always being sad and same for me. But the thing was that John’s mood was much shiftier. Things had been kind of awkward between us. And I felt bad for John because maybe he did not love me anymore after the incident. I was the one who caused everything and his twin’s death was more or less caused by me and he might even hate me now. But he could not ditch me because he had promised Edward that he would take care of me.
It broke my heart to think like that, but I could not help it.
Now John was looking pale, and he looked tired. I hoped he was not sick.
“Yes…” he mumbled and walked pass me towards the stairs. I followed him and he went into our room and closed the door. He did not lock it though, so I opened it and sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.
“John, is everything alright?” I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
And his reaction took me by surprise. I had never expected him to snap like that.
“Alright? Does everything look alright to you?” he said, annoyed, “My twin is dead, of course everything’s good!”
“John,” I tried to keep my calm, “I understand. It’s not like I don’t love him too. I do miss him a lot and I don’t suffer any less than you.”
“But he’s not your twin!” John raised his voice, “You don’t understand! You might love him more than you used to but you will never ever get my feeling. You don’t know a thing.”
“I – John, I—” I tried to come up with something to say, but John interrupted me.
“Just- just go away, I need some alone time,” he sighed and looked away.
“Oh – okay then,” I said awkwardly and went out of the room. I went downstairs and sat down on the sofa, staring into space.
I did not know how long had passed, but finally John had come out of his room and he sat down next to me. I ignored him and kept staring into space.
“(Yn),” he began and tilted my head to make me look at him, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have flipped at you like that. I’m just depressed. It hurts so much to lose my twin. I know you’re also suffering, and I’m so sorry for everything.”
“It’s – it’s okay,” I said, a bit startled by his change of mood. He hugged me and I hugged him back.
“Thank you,” John breathed on my hair.
“And John… I’m sorry too,” I mumbled against his neck, “If not for me maybe we will still be living our old life…”
“Stop it (Yn),” John said and pulled back to look at me properly, “Stop thinking like that and taking the blame. No one wishes for it to happen and it’s not your fault. Just stop.”
I nodded, but still could not help but thought it was my fault.

In the next few weeks John was still the same. Sometimes he would sulk and we got into arguments occasionally, but he would make up to me afterwards. He was being moody and his mood changed constantly that sometimes he scared me and it was quite annoying. You never knew how he was going to act and he seemed so hollow. He did not seem like the John I used to love now. He had become remote and distant.
Today John was being moody again. He was sulking on the sofa and I tried to cheer him up.
“Just leave me alone,” he cut me off and turned away. I got it that he was depressed and sad, but when he experienced those negative feelings he always tended to forget about my emotions. It was starting to get to me and I did not think I could deal with this anymore. I needed an escape. He was changing constantly and I could not keep up with him.
I stormed away and put on some clothes before heading out. John did not even bother to stop me.
It was raining outside, and I walked down the street with an umbrella. I was thinking about Edward, and I missed him loads. I wished he was here right now.
I got onto a random bus, hoping that it would bring me to wherever I should go.
Without noticing, I realized I had arrived at the hotel which Edward had once celebrated my birthday with me. John and I celebrated it alone on my birthday but Edward celebrated on the next day at this hotel with me alone. He treated me to dinner and we watched the city from the rooftop. It was one of the many great times Edward and I had had, but this memory stood out because there were only Edward and I in it, and I was very happy at that moment. It was a special moment between us two.
I closed my umbrella and walked into the hotel. I went straight to the rooftop and wanted to bring back the memories.
I stepped out into the rooftop and did not bother to open the umbrella. I just let the rain fall onto me, soaking me. I needed the cold to clear my thought.
Suddenly, the sky rumbled. A storm was beginning. I could see the dark cloud above my head.
I went closer to the edge, and looked down. The place looked completely different now. It was only afternoon but it was very dark because of the storm. Everything was colored with grey. But the last time Edward and I came here, it was at night, but everything looked so beautiful and colorful. The city lights dotted the place and everything looked lively. But not today. Especially without Edward here.
The sky rumbled again, and I stepped onto the edge of the building. I missed Edward. I wanted to be with him. I needed him. John was not himself anymore. I felt so alone.
I knew what I was going to do would hurt John, but I did not think he would care for long. It seemed like we were over already. His promise to Edward might be the only reason why we were still together. I did love him, but the John at home was not the one I loved anymore. He was almost soulless.
I took a deep breath, and took the leap. I closed my eyes, thinking about my past. Before I reached the ground, the sky growled again, and suddenly I was knocked out cold. But before I was unconscious, I got the feeling of being pulled back and away from the ground.

I did not know how long exactly had passed, but finally I opened my eyes. I was lying in my own room, in the house which I bought myself. What exactly had happened? Was I dead?
My head hurt, but I ignored it and sat up. I rubbed my forehead, and that was when I realized the scar on my finger. I got it when I was cooking with John and Edward, as I accidentally sliced my finger majorly once.
It all seemed like a nightmare, with what happened with the twins, but this scar proved that they were all true. And I realized my clothes were soaking wet, just like how they were before my leap—
So I did not die and ended up in my own house? What was happening?
I looked at my bedside clock, and saw that the date was two years ago. And today was the day when I first met the twins, I could clearly remember that.
Looked like I had been transferred to the past. I must got sucked into the time tunnel during the storm.