My time has come

My name is Bri. Short for Brianna. I'm 14 and I should be in my 4th year of high school. I've never really had a lot of friends, but the ones I was friends with, I was close to.

My first year was when the bullying started. I was always picked out for being the 'strange' kid. I had glasses, a backpack and I loved to read. They taunted me every day. I remember one time I was going to class and I heard some kids muttering 'Hey look, there goes 4 eyes' and some other abuse that had illuded me.

This continued for days and months. Enough was enough. I wore contacts, used a handbag and piled on the make up. They must like me now?

No. If anything it became worse. Each day  I had the names repeatedly said to me. 'Slut' 'Whore' 'Fake'. They weren't even the worst of it. 

My parents always asked why I dressed different or acted different. But, how could I tell them? How could I tell them what a failure I have beome? The only answer I could think of was 'I like this look now'. But the thing was, no one questioned me. No one cared to look past the exterior and find out what went on within. Maybe if they had, maybe I'd still be there. 

A few months before summer break, I came home home with tears streaming down my face and black smudged everywhere, I went into my room opened up my laptop and I came across a picture on the internet. It was a picture of a pencil sharpener. Something triggered in my head that told me this picture was going to relieve me of my pain. 

While on the laptop, I opened up my facebook to find that people had trolled it. I had death threats, mean names, accusations and rumours spread from top to bottom. I gasped and a tear rolled down my face, I shut the laptop and pushed it aside. I rolled off my bed, crawled across the floor and sat against the wall in a tight ball, and cried.

After about 10 mintues of this I suddenly paused and the image of the pencil sharpener popped into my head. I rushed around to find a sharpener and a knife and removed the blade from it. I stood up looked at it, then down to my wrist and dragged it across my skin.

Call me crazy, but the pain was euphoric. For that split second, my whole black and white world found all its colour from one red bead of blood. I looked up into the mirror at myself and all that filled my mind was the names I'd been called for years. 

I pulled all the fat on my body and hoped that it would come away, but it didn't. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and tore my skin a few more times. I decided the pencil sharpener blade was not enough. I took out the knife I used to take apart the sharpener and admired it for a few seconds. I looked at the reflection in it and ran my finger along the edge. I breathed in as much air as I could and pressed the blade of the knife vertically on my arm and dragged it along.

That was all I remember.

I awoke the next morning in the exact same place. My clothes and floor were saturated in blood and the wounds had dried. I threw away all the clothes that were stained, wiped the floor and cleaned my wounds. 

I looked around to my alarm clock that read '6.47'. I had 12 minutes before I knew my parents would come in and drag me out of bed. I got changed as fast as I could, and tried to hide the bandages below my long sleeved shirt. I grabbed my school bag and shouted 'bye!' before closing the door behind me. I started walking to school, 2 hours early, and thought about the night before.

When I was walking to school I came across a park that I had never noticed existed before. I mean, I knew it was there but it only really just sank in that people used it. I went in and found a bench to sit on.

I looked around at the bare branches on the trees and the serenity to just be surrounded by nothingness. The cold in the air nipped at my cuts and I flinched at the pain. Pulling back my sleeves and the dressing and pulled around the flesh a bit before realising that I could not go to school with a wound this big. It could start bleeding at any moment. I needed stitches but I would have to tell my mum, which was not an option. 

I found my eyes wandering around the scenery whilst I thought of the night before. My phone said 7.17. I still had no idea what I was going to do, but my trail of thought stopped when 3 girls from my school came out of nowhere and surrounded me. Quickly I put the dressing back over and rolled down my sleeves before they could see and looked down at my feet.

'Hey girls, look who we've found again.' One said and she signal another to inflict some sort of pain upon me. They started circling me like a group of vultures feeding on prey. I stood up and tried to walk away but they tripped me up, sending me face down on the concrete and smacking my head as well. I started to hallucinate as they laughed. One of the girls stood on my arms, while the others kicked me, punched me and stabbed me. I kept drifting in and out of conciousness before heaving. They finally slashed my face before leaving.

I layed there close to death for a few moments, still.

When I regained conciousness I dragged myself into a bush and layed there lifeless. I closed my eyes in agony and waited for death to find me. I drifted back out an in of conciousness ey one last time before I saw a pond out of the corner of my eye. I needed to put myself out of this agony as I crawled up to the side. 

I double checked to make sure no one was around before looking at myself in the reflection of the water. There was blood everywhere and half of my lip was hanging off. 

Pulling myself into the water all the gashes stung, but the sound and temperature of the water was so calming. I layed there for a few moments to find peace with the world and let myself sink.

I sunk deeper and deeper before taking in one deep breath and I said to myself 'Goodbye everyone. Its time for me to go'.