Second Chance

Just For Once

I went into John and my room and flopped down onto the bed. My thoughts were all jumbled together now. I felt like screaming.
I grabbed a pillow and screamed into it, and it muted my screams. Edward was working next door probably and here I was, thinking about him., going crazy.
Why did he have to be so nice to me? Why? I was not that good, was I? I honestly did not get why they both loved me so much. It was understandable that I loved them both as John and Edward were both very amazing guys, but me? I was just some normal girl who did not have an outstanding personality or anything. I was just plain me. I was not even pretty if you ask me.
And I was hurting Edward. Possibly John too, if he knew what was going on between Edward and I. Imagine him knowing that his twin was also in love with me would already scare him, as he was really possessive over me. If he knew I also loved Edward back, I really did not know how he would react.
Last time when Edward died and he learnt about my love for Edward, he did not get angry because he knew Edward and I were not possible anymore, and he was busy weeping over his brother’s death. But now… Edward was here. Living with us, still breathing, still walking.
And last time when Edward was still living, I had not discovered my true feelings for him. I only treated him as my best friend, until he sacrificed for both John and I. It was much simpler then.
“AHHH!” I screamed into the pillow again. What should I do? Yes, I was lucky that these two perfect guys loved me at the same time, not to mention they were both very gorgeous too – but this was actually torturing me.
I removed the pillow from my face and breathed heavily, eyes focusing on the ceiling. I hoped everything would eventually turn out alright. I hoped I would never hurt one – or both – of them. I hoped I would not ruin their tight bond. I hoped Edward would find someone else who was perfect for him, although the thought hurt me. I would rather have him be someone else’s rather than keeping this complicated situation going on. I would have John and John would have me then, and Edward could have his perfect other half and everyone would be happy – and I was sure I could slowly accept the fact that Edward and I were not possible anymore. At least I still had John. I loved John, and my love for him was certainly not less than my love for Edward’s, or else I would not have agreed to be his girlfriend. I loved John with all my life.
I heaved a sigh, and I was getting hot. All the thinking was messing with me. I decided to go downstairs to drink some water in order to cool myself down.
I got up from the bed and walked down the stairs. Thoughts of John and Edward were still swirling in my head, and I was not looking at where I was going – I was blindly walking down.
So I screamed when I bumped into someone at the bottom of the stairs. It was Edward, and I knocked into him and sent the papers in his hands flying, and we were both falling. We landed on the floor with Edward on top of me, his arms around me.
If not for Edward, I would have hit my head hard. I was clinging onto him when we fell and I kind of slipped so I was turned around and we changed position – I was falling backwards while Edward was falling forward. He quickly snatched his arms out and papers flew everywhere; he caught me in his arms but we both tumbled onto the floor. His arms had saved my head from making contact with the hard floorboard.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped after a few seconds of shocked silence.
“It’s okay,” Edward breathed and his eyes were boring into mine. Our faces were so close and I could feel his warm breath on my lips.
My eyes slowly lowered down to his lips involuntarily; they looked so soft, so kissable. I gulped.
Edward definitely noticed my mood change and he also shifted his gaze to my half-open lips. I noticed how long his lashes were, just like John. He was so beautiful.
He looked up at me again, his eyes unreadable. He began to lean in closer while holding my gaze, and I was transfixed under his stare. I could not move.
I should not be doing this but I could not help it. After a painful two-second wait his lips finally touched mine.
It was a whole new experience kissing Edward. Just like kissing John, the world around us stopped the instance our lips touched, and everything was spinning around us. He swept me off my feet and took my breath away, just like when John did this to me. It was love. Love filled the air and I could not think straight. I was intoxicated.
But the difference was that I could tell his lips were not as full as John’s, but still felt very, very nice against mine. I kissed him back, and I felt Edward smile.
“I love you (Yn),” Edward said when we had finally pulled apart for air, “More than I should.”
“I love you too Edward,” I gasped, still shocked from our wonderful kiss, “I know this isn’t right but—”
“I know,” he interrupted me softly, “I know…”
He kissed me gently again with his eyes closed and pulled back slightly to look at me in the eye again, “I need you. I don’t want to cause troubles and I certainly do not want to hurt John, but I need you. I don’t want to make you get into troubles and get torn between us but I can’t stand it anymore. I need you, (Yn). I love you. Please, let me love you just for once… Once is enough. Then you can forget about this and get back to John…”
I looked at Edward’s pleading face and I could tell saying this was hurting him. He had a mixed expression. He knew what he was getting himself into but he could not reject his wants. He knew he would hurt even harder after this but he could not resist taking the chance
And I could not hold back my feelings now.
I pulled Edward closer by his neck and kissed him with passion. He was taken by surprise but quickly kissed me back. He pulled me up so he was sitting on the floor with me on his lap, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“Thank you,” he mumbled against my lips, “I love you, I always will… Thanks for giving me a chance of loving you, even if it’s just for once…”
Edward stood up with me cringing onto him and he carried me upstairs into his room, leaving all the papers scattered across the floor downstairs.
He fell down onto the bed with me beneath him and he was careful not to squash me. He put his hands on the bed on either side of my head and stared deeply into my eyes. I stared back into his beautiful green eyes which reminded me of John.
John. I knew I should not be doing this but I could not help it. And it would be just for once… Then everything would be back to normal. And perhaps after getting what he had been longing for, Edward would start to lock away his feelings for me and had a fresh start.
My heart ached at the thought. But I should be happy for him, I kept reminding myself.
And this would only happen once, would it not? And John would never know about it.
Edward planted tender kisses all over my neck and shoulders and I played with his soft and silky blond hair, running my fingers through his hair and twirling strands of his hair around my fingers.
He came back up to look into my eyes and kissed me before unbuttoning my shirt. He threw it onto the floor beside the bed and kissed all over my torso.
I giggled and pulled on his shirt. He sat up and took it off, throwing it onto the floor so it was now lying on top of my shirt.
I thought John was much muscular than Edward but was I wrong. Edward was equally fit. I stared at his toned body and trailed my hands down his stomach. He shivered under my feathery touch.
Then we stripped off completely in between kisses and we were drowned in each other’s love, forgetting about all the complicated matters just for once.