Second Chance

Normal

I was lying in Edward’s arms, our bare skin pressed together, and his body heat felt good against my body. Despite the fact that everything around me felt good, my mind was drifting away to somewhere uncomfortable.
“Are you okay?” Edward asked softly, his brows pulling together, forming a frown of worry, “I’m sorry for th—”
I put a finger against his lips to silence him, “Don’t apologize; we both know so well that I want this too. We can’t possible turn time back now… And I’m okay,” I gave him an assuring smile, although I knew nothing was okay.
I was given my second chance and there would not be a third chance, so what I had done and was doing could not be done again like last time. And I was thinking about John. What would we do after this? Edward said this was just for once, and everything could go back to how it used to be. But I knew this was going to be awkward. Nothing could go back to how it used to be. Not after this.
Things could seem normal before I admitted my feelings for Edward out loud, and now it was not just my feelings going public. We had cheated behind John. I felt bad, but I knew I could not reject this. I could not bear the thought of hurting John because I loved him so much. But I also loved Edward and he loved me. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why did I have to exist?
We lied there in each other’s arms for a while, and finally it was time to end this.
“I – I think we should get ready,” I said sadly. As much as I did not want this amazing moment to end, it had to be ended. The sky was starting to get dark outside. John would be home very soon.
Edward did not say anything but simply nodded. He also looked sad.
We got dressed and I headed downstairs to make dinner. I hoped it would not be awkward between Edward and I later on. I certainly did not want John to suspect anything.
Edward followed me downstairs and picked up all the scattered papers at the bottom of the stairs. I helped him with those and he went back up to continue with his work.
But before he went up, he asked for a last kiss.
“I was just wondering (Yn),” he pulled me back when I was about to walk towards the kitchen, “Can – can I have one last kiss?”
I looked up at him, and Edward looked deeply into my eyes. I just lost myself in them.
Edward leaned in slowly as he could see I was not going anywhere, and his lips touched mine. Sparks went everywhere again and I found myself kissing him back and I closed my eyes, enjoying this moment. The kiss tasted sweet yet bitter.
Finally Edward pulled away and kissed the corner of my lips one last time before speaking, “I love you, I always will, and I want to see you happy with John, I really do… I love you both so much,”
I could see through his façade and felt his pain. And this pained my heart too.
“I love you too Edward…” I sighed, “Why does life have to be so complicated?” I was almost speaking to myself, but Edward heard me.
“I know…” Edward said softly and stroked my cheek, “I’m sorry for doing this to you. I’m sorry for making you get torn between John and I. I’m so sor—”
“Shh,” I silenced him again. Why did he have to keep blaming himself? He had done nothing wrong. He loved me, that was all he had done, “Stop apologizing, for goodness sake!”
Edward laughed at my annoyed expression, and the tense between us had finally dissolved. I could not help but laughed with him.
“I’d better finish this up,” Edward held the papers in his hands up, “Or John would be mad.”
“Okay,” I smiled at him and got started on dinner.
Even though it was less awkward between Edward and I now after laughing it off just then, I still could not get the mess off my mind that easily. I was thinking about it all the while I was making dinner.
As I was mixing the sauce for dinner, I was so deep in thought that it startled me when two arms reached out from behind me and wrapped around my waist. I almost screamed Edward’s name, but luckily I did not. Because it was John.
“Hey love,” John murmured against my ears, “Have you missed me?”
I put down the bowl and squirmed in his arms, and managed to turn around to face him – the moment I saw his face it seemed like every single doubt in my head had disappeared; my complicated relationship with Edward, everything. John was another person I loved so much that my heart and mind had all their attention on him once I saw his adoring face. “What if I say no?” I was back to my normal self again, and I said teasingly.
“Then you’d better prepare to be punished,” John snuggled his nose against mine.
“How?” I giggled.
“Hmm…” a sly smile appeared on his face, and he began to tickle me.
“AHH!” I screamed, trying to dodge but he had one arm around me securely and I could go nowhere.
“Now do you miss me?” John laughed at my helpless state.
“Yes!” I panted, “Yes I do!”
“Good girl,” he said and stopped his tickling attacks and held me in his arms again. He kissed me briefly on the lips and smiled his angelic smile at me, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I beamed back at him and John hugged me close to his chest.
“Just so you know,” he mumbled casually into my ear, “That was just appetizer. I’m not done with punishing you… You’d better watch out tonight.”
My stomach flipped at his words. I knew what he was up to and I was actually getting excited at what was going to happen tonight. I loved this boy so much and the idea of him loving me in a passionate way aroused me.
“Can’t wait,” I pulled back and smirked at him.
“Hope you’re not going to regret your words,” he winked at me, “Now I’m going to take a shower.”
“Alright,” I said and John left the kitchen. I carried on with my cooking.
It seemed like it would be okay around John. Once I saw him every problem was gone. I could do this…
But was I wrong. When it was time for dinner, and all three of us had sat down at the table, it was a completely different situation. Edward was here, and every memory with him flushed into my head. Even though John was present it was not much help when Edward was also here.
I wanted to act normal but the more I wanted to act normal, the more uneasy I was. Fortunately Edward was a much better actor than I was.
“So how’s the meeting today? Any good news?” Edward asked his twin casually, and our eyes met briefly after his question. He eyes were unreadable, like he had lots of messages hidden behind those green eyes. I quickly looked away to avoid any awkward situation.
John did not notice our exchange of glances and told Edward about the details of the meeting. I could not concentrate other than eating my own food. I was scared that I would ruin our pretense. But I did catch a few words and it seemed like everything was going smoothly. So at least I did not need to worry about their career.
“So (Yn),” John asked me after he had done talking about their job with Edward and I immediately snapped my head up, “What have you done all day?”
“I – I – I erm,” I tried to come up with something – because if I was going to tell the truth, I would have to say I had cheated on him with his twin all day.
John raised his eyebrow questioningly when he saw that I could not say anything. But suddenly Edward laughed.
“John,” he laughed, “She won’t tell you I can tell – it’s too embarrassing.”
“What?” John turned his head to Edward and he seemed well interested and his attention was no longer on me. I gave a sigh of relief as I really could not come up with anything; my mind had gone blank and I looked at Edward to see him darting another glance at me. I nodded at him as I knew he had come to my rescue.
“She basically pissed herself watching a horror movie and she ended up sitting in my room all day while I was working because she was too scared. She would not admit it though; she kept saying because she was only tired of being alone and having no company,”
“Really?” John turned back to me and looked amused, “No wonder you said horror movies are stupid!”
Yes, I had never watched a horror movie with John before. I certainly did not like horror movies and he thought I was simply scared but I did not want to look like a loser so I kept telling him it was just that they were fake and stupid.
“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes and finally I could get used to the situation and we were having dinner like normal again, thanks to Edward. The tension was gone for now.