Journal

Journal Entry #1.Lost

One gloomy Monday morning. I woke up as if it was a regular day but it wasn't, I heard Granny crying. I asked Gramps why is she crying. Gramps said "lets go outside my son". I was intrigued why Granny is crying and why does Gramps look so serious. Me and Gramps went outside the room and went to the kitchen. Gramps made me coffee and offered me a seat at the dining table. Slowly with a soft and sad voice Gramps told me the awful news. Gramps said "My son be strong, your Mother is now gone" he said with a soft gloomy voice. I was shocked and ultimately saddened by the terrible news. I went outside the house and just sat at our bench thinking, Is it just a Fucking dream?!?? Or is it the fucking truth?!?? Why does it have to be mom??!? Why not me?!?? It made me a very broken person at that time. It also made me strong but somewhat brittle.

A couple weeks has passed since mom died but everything was still fresh, it was like a dream. A dream that I would just want to wake up to, a dream that I don't want to be a part of, a dream that should not be a reality..... I miss my mom a lot I sure do.... So I tried to sleep again and try to talk to mom but she didn't appear in my next dream. I just remained awake, lying in my bed.

It was time to get up. I headed to the kitchen to prepare my breakfast. As I sat in the chair my eyes began to water up but I clearly felt nothing as if I was never really there at all. I felt empty inside like a hollow jar with no cookies inside. It made me gloomy until I went to school. I didn't talked to anyone, even the very closest of my friends. They began to wonder why I was like that and why am I acting a bit strange. I just said to them "I think I just need time to think about things". So they just let me be and just left, because I wanted them to.

Days pass by and my mood still stays the same. I am still locked up in the same situation as last time. Then it came up to me. I need to stop this.... I need to better myself. The next day I visited my mom's grave. Then suddenly I heard a voice, a voice that was somewhat familiar but it was very odd.... It was my mom. I heard the voice of my Mother. She said "don't worry to much my son, I will watch over you from here and I will always be at your side". I was frightened at first but it made me feel better. It made me feel like I was myself again. It made me cry like a little bitch though..... But it made me realize that even with or without my mom I will continue my life for it is mine to live for.

"Sometimes a loss is not a loss"
-Anonymous