Every Reason I Loved Her- FairyTail edition

Chapter 31: I Loved Her

I stand over her casket, she's still beautiful but she's not smiling at me like she does, she's not laughing and she's not looking off into space. Her mind isn't wandering. I glance back at the room. I don't want to do this. I don't want to stand up there and looks at everyone that loves Lucy and I don't want to go up there and say goodbye.

"Natsu." Juvia prompts. I shake my head,

"This is not good time for stage fright." Juvia nudges me forward

"I can't." I tell her "I can't go up there and do this."

"You can." She insists, "you can do it for Lucy."

"I can't." I hiss at her. she stops pushing me and looks me in the eye.

"Natsu..." she trails off because, what is there to say?

"I can't go up there as if I'm never going to see her again and say good bye because that... that's too final... that'll be it and I..." I try to swallow the lump in my throat "I can't say goodbye to her."

"Oh Natsu." Juvia pulls me into a hug, squeezing me with all the strength I know is in her.

"It's going to be okay."

"Don't tell him that, Juvia." Grey snaps at her.

"Grey." She frowns at him.

"No, don't Grey me." he barks at her "it's not okay, this isn't okay, Juvia and you know it." He turns to me "and you, Lucy deserves a goodbye and you're not going to get another chance to do it, so get up there and give her what you know she'd want..." he trails off as his anger dies away "god knows she spent her life giving other people what they wanted." He sinks back into the wall and crosses his arms. He seems really focused on the stain hidden behind the vase.

Somehow my legs move me up to the little podium stand. I unfold the paper with scribbles and creases all over it, it's not finished. I'm not organized. I'm not good at making things look nice like Lucy is.

I look out at the crowd, at Owen and his mom and then at the croissant in my hand.

"I'd say good afternoon." I begin, "but it's not good... it's really bad actually, the worst thing that could have ever happen." I swallow hard.

"I've never written a eulogy before, I just kind of spoke at my mom's funeral so, I guess I'll do it here too." I clear my throat and place my hands on the stand.

"Lucy is the most amazing person that I have ever met." I expected more tears, more wailing from me. "she has this way of looking at everything as if it were special and when she looks at you, she makes you feel special." I try to swallow the lump in my throat "if she smiles at you, and she smiles at everyone she makes eye contact with." I choke on my own words "she always has a minute to spare for someone else, just to smile-er to say hi." I shake my head, Lucyfeels like this impossible character, preserved in the pages of my mind.

"She was too good." I say, "she let others destroy her because she didn't want to give up on people that had given up on themselves and that had given up on her years before." I look directly at her mom "she doesn't deserve that," I shake my head at them and watch their eyes drop

"Lucy is the kind of person that you just want to be around all the time because she makes you feel so good about yourself, the kind of person that makes you want to be a better person." I look at my hands for a moment "the kind of person that just makes you a better person by standing next to you." I lick my lips and try to swallow this lump in my throat.

"I've never met someone who loves life so much, someone who appreciates every tiny thing that happens to her." My eye instinctively look for Lucy, smiling in the crowd. "never gets angry at the people she loves because she'd rather spend the time working things out." I struggle to breathe past the ever-growing lump in my throat.