Lucy hates beards, she says they're scruffy and the one time I tried to grow one, her face broke out in a rash. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. My suit lays as lifeless as me over the chair, where I left it two weeks ago. I need to get up. I know I do... my grievance days were up a week ago at work but I can't care. I can't move.
The knock comes at the same, time as always.
"Good afternoon, honey." Grandma closes the door behind her and opens the curtains, the ones Lucy picked up from the thrift store.
"Come on, Natsu." She pushes my legs off the couch and opens up a lunch bag. Vegetable soup today. She says I need more vegetables. She says I'm depressed.
"Thanks grandma." I'm not depressed, I just don't know how to live anymore.
"How are you feeling today?" She asks pushing my hair off my forehead. "Trying the beard again?" She smiles but her eyes are missing something too.
"Lucy isn't here," I clear my throat "she sings to me while I shave and she can't so..." I shrug and force myself to take another bite. Grandma is a fantastic cook, but this doesn't taste like anything.
"well..." grandma struggles to find something to say but what is there to say? what do you say to someone who lost their soul?
"I could sing to you while you shave." She suggests.
"I don't think that'll be the same." I force another bite down while she watches me.
"I know it won't be the same but at least you won't be alone." She smiles at me, her hand resting on my back and for the first time in a really long time, mom's passing hits me. My chest is hollow, my body doesn't want to move but the look in grandma's eyes, so ready to help. It reminds me a bit of Lucy and find myself moving.
"Okay." I stand up and head back to the bathroom.
The water runs into the sink in the same way it always does, the bathroom is the same as it always is, Lucy's toothbrush sits in the cup holder, she wrapped a piece of floss around it, I don't know why though, she does it to every toothbrush she gets.
"what does she usually sing to you?" grandma asks. I smear the cream over my face.
"I don't know the names, she just starts singing" I uncap my razor "love songs, usually."
"Okay." Grandma's smile is only halfhearted, I don't think anyone knows how to live without Lucy. I don't think the world knows how to keep going without Lucy.
I bring the razor to my face as grandma starts to sing. Grandma actually has an amazing voice, hers and Lucy's voices are completely different and grandma used to sing to me when I was young. None of that matters when it hits me. I shake my head and drop the razor.
"I can't." My knees collapse and I'm on the ground. standing never felt so hard before. Breathing didn't used to take so much effort.
"Natsu..." she sighs and sits beside me on the ground. she pulls me into her arms. I hold onto her but this doesn't feel better.
I loved her hugs.
***
The table is different. All the chairs are filled but it feels empty. Lucy would be sitting next to me, grandma is sitting there. I think she's afraid for me. I'd be afraid for me too if I could feel.
The food is tasteless and sits in my stomach like a sack of pebbles. No one really bothers me after the first few attempts fell flat. My cousins look at me with their big sad eyes and that gets me the most. I go up to my room.
YOU ARE READING
Every Reason I Loved Her- FairyTail edition
FanficNatsu loves Lucy, Lucy loves Natsu Their whole relationship has been as easy as breathing but lately Natsu notices Lucy acting strangely, he trusts her but he'd do anything to protect her but how can he do that when she won't tell him what's wrong...
