It still hurts. People say time heals all things but I don't think that's that case. After eighteen months and four days, it can still be crippling. I think what happens is you just get used to it. It's a kind of numbness most days and then intense pains other days because you bumped the tender spot but she wants more for me than to live between numbness and agony. So, I have to live for both of us even if some days all I can do is lay in bed and look through her Instagram and stare at the pictures I hung all over our walls. I'm really glad she liked pictures so much.
"Hey!" Grey and Juvia wave to me from the back of the café. We don't go to the other one anymore, it was too hard, the regulars looked at us with pity and the waitress who always served us couldn't quite muster a genuine smile without Lucy smiling back. I can't blame her.
"Look at you Mr. Author you." Juvia hugs me. "Got meetings to go to, book signings to attend."
"Yeah." I swallow hard. These are the hardest days. She's smiling but no one ever quite got their smile back.
"Come on, I'm starving." Grey throws his arms over mine and Juvia's shoulders and leads us to the tables. Grey has always been strong but something in him broke when Lucy died and I don't think that was ever coming back either.
"I'm star struck" the waitress, gasps fanning herself at the sight of me. "I've got none other than Natsu Dragneel, best-selling Author sitting at my table." She's got a bit of a southern accent
"Hey, Margo." I greet her. She sets out a coffee for me and she pours the creamer into Juvia's coffee for her. She can't pour her own creamer, there's things we just can't do because it hurts too much. Lucy used to open the fifteen creamers and fifteen sugars Juvia takes in her coffee. Juvia having to do it herself is just another reminder that Lucy isn't coming. Sometimes we slip up and we talk about Lucy as if she were just running late. We go through her Instagram a lot. That's probably not healthy but we can't move on, not in the way where we're supposed to live without her, as if she were some inconsequential piece of our life. Lucy was life embodied and I don't think anyone who knew her would dispute that.
So, we have coffee together a few times a week and I write. I still work at the restaurant because its one of the few things that makes me get out of my new studio apartment. Smaller is better, it doesn't feel so empty.
There's something ironic about all of this. I had the girl but not the life to give her. Now I have a promise of a future and I don't have the girl. I want the girl.
"I'd better get going." I finish off my coffee and leave a few bucks for my stuff.
"Are you sure?" Juvia asks, her brows drawn together in concern. She and Lucy are a lot of like. I don't know if Lucy picked up some of her gestures from Juvia or the other way around but sometimes it hurts too look at Juvia.
"Yeah." I swallow the lump in my throat and give Lucy and Grey a hug.
"I'll see you guys later." I start to pull away but Grey holds onto me.
"Juvia and I are proud of you, man." He says, "Lucy would be proud of you."
I nod and pull away.
"Yeah... she would be." I'd rather her be here with me.
***
I sit across from Mr. Garrety, my new writing agent, he smiles "your book is selling like hot cakes. But why did you kill her, why not have Lucy and Natsu walk into the sunset?"
I chew on my inner cheek. I got what I wanted. I published a best seller.
"Because people love tragedies." I say around the lump in my throat "and losing her was the greatest tragedy."
YOU ARE READING
Every Reason I Loved Her- FairyTail edition
FanfictionNatsu loves Lucy, Lucy loves Natsu Their whole relationship has been as easy as breathing but lately Natsu notices Lucy acting strangely, he trusts her but he'd do anything to protect her but how can he do that when she won't tell him what's wrong...
