What A Feeling

(1) Stumbling

The definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Yet I believe that it all a fiction. Of course, you have love for friends and family, but romantic love? I don't believe in it. You can read about it; you can see all the movies about it. You can watch Ally and Noah make there way back to each other. You can watch a man who works in a bookstore get the famous actress. You can watch a closeted boy start an email message to another. You can watch Lara-Jean fake date Peter until its real. You can watch Elle fall for her best friends brother. You watch Christen Grey make Anna sign a contract that leads to something more. But at the end of the day, its all fiction and thats all its ever meant to be. I have lived my whole life believing this, sure my parents didnt divorce but did they love each other? When you get married is it because you have found who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or is it just because youve found a death buddy, someone to go out of this world with? If love is real, I dont ever want to experience it, cause if its one thing the fiction stories have told me, its that all love does is cause hurt, damage and misery. I would rather be the girl who lives alone with 30 cats and have a restraining order against her for stalking Harry Styles. Okay, minus the restraining order part. So, I keep all this in mind as head towards what I came here to do.

The cold air wrapped around me like a shield, guarding any heat in the nights air away. My own warmth betraying me as it seeped through the shield, discarding my chilled bones to the cold magnet. Pulling my arms around me tighter, I let out a puff of air, causing a smoke looking substance appear just as quickly as it fades. When I was younger, I would go out into the cold just to do that, pretending I was a dragon protecting the caste, keeping the prince away from the princess. Running around the front of my house the mornings before school, shouting at my mum to look at me as she scrapped the ice of the car windows for her to only give me a nod without even glancing in my direction.

My eyes trained to the floor, I watched the straps on my heels with every step, scowling at them as I could feel the pain starting to dawn. I hate heels with a passion. Why are women given such a thing to wear, all they cause is pain and discomfort? Technically, they were for men first, so why did women end up having them? They are lucky they look so good, thats the only reason they are placed on my feet. In fact, everything I was wearing was uncomfortable. My white strappy top was tighter than usual, causing my boobs to look fuller to my advantage but still causing slight breathing problems. The leather pants Im wearing hugged me like a second skin, causing it to annoyingly go up places it didn't need to go, sporting my favourite leather jacket. Then lastly, the demon shoes. Every second that passed I could feel the straps burying themselves further into my skin, their mission to reach the bone just as the evening sky came back to life, blowing gush through the streets, generating my raven hair to stick to my face. I gaged as I opened my mouth my hair entered, causing me to spit and do a spin so the wind was working to my advantage, flinging my hands to my faces, frantically using my burnt fingertips to remove my hair from my eyes and mouth.

Once I could see clearly and could no longer taste my shampoo, I sighed, running my hands through the wet parts of my hair that uncordially made it's way to the back of my throat. Looking around, hoping no one saw my little performance so distress.

Ew. I just chocked on myself. In public.

During my frantic episode I must make moved to the side of the pavement due to the fact the moment I took a step back, I felt my left heel fall into something. That something being a grid. Once again, my arms desperately swung through the exposed air, a cat-like screech escaping my painted lips as my body smacked against the solid concert.

Well fuck me.

I groaned as all my oxygen leaked out if my lungs all at once. I really hope nobody walks past right now. My eyes and nose scrunched up in pain as I lie on the ground, arms spread open with my heel still inside the grid. I swear my life just flashed before my eyes when I was falling, Jesus Christ. A minute goes by as I lie there, spread like a starfish on the cold streets of London, trying to process what in the hell just happened. I pry my eyes open to look upwards at the sky as another dragon breath of air swirls above me.

Why? Just why?

Slowly, I sit up, leaning over to remove my heel from the dusty grid, inspecting my shoe to evaluate the damage. Oh, looks like demon shoes are invincible. Ungodly noises leave my body as I get to my feet, rubbing my back for some relief. Changing positions, I bend my knees slightly, placing my hands on them, crouching forwards, taking deep breaths to recover from the ones I lost. Once I thought everything was fine, I heard snickering behind me. You've got to be kidding me. I turn my head towards the direction of the sound to see a tall figure, leaning against the wall as puffs of smoke dance into the air. Yet, the smoke wasnt from the coldness, it was from the small stick like shape he held in his hand with a burning, red coloured end. Darkness and the lack of working lampposts hide his face as he continues to laugh to himself, bring the relief to his lips. Well, I assume its a man from what I can see. Seriously, why do I pay taxes if they dont even use them to fix lampposts.

I stand up straight, trying to gain back some of my dignity that was just lost by someone seeing my show, I cross my arms across my chest. I cant see his eyes, but I know he is looking at me just as I am looking at him, the only issue is, Im more in the light than him. I could feel the burning trance into my face as I returned it just as intense. Yeah, thanks for laughing and not helping arsehole.

"You know other people would normally ask if I am ok, not just laugh and stare.", I call out to the figure who lets out another deep, breathy laugh at my words. Well, I didnt want a laugh as a response. I continue to stare, waiting for a verbal action back.

"So, you normally do that then?", he finally responses, his voice was deeper than I was expecting, as he talked slowly and smoothly. Normally do what? Fall on my arse? Yes. But he doesnt need to know that. "Well no, Im normally able to grab onto something and save myself." Thats a lie, I usually just fall on my face. He laughs again much to my annoyance, this isnt a laughing matter, I nearly died. Okay, maybe thats a little dramatic but I felt like I was falling into hell.

"That's a shame, watching you eat shit has made my day better." Excuse me?

Im glad my misery and broken back could assume you., sarcasm goosing off my tongue which yet again earned another chuckle. I turn my gaze away to look across the street, bright red neon lights held above a pun looking place. It seemed busy but not to the point where I would be overbearing. The sign above said Heaven with devil horns above, the oxymoron causing a sly smile on my lips. I bend back down and dust off any dirt that clung to me from my fall, picking up my phone that had unnoticeably flung out my pocket, shoving it back in before I even had the chance to check it and turned my attention back to the burning gaze I was receiving.

Sighing, I mumble, "I need a drink.", more to myself than him and started heading towards the beam of red lights, ready to do what I came out to do.

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This was my introduction to What A Feeling!! next chapters will be longer with more detail.

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