When adults have this theme in their conversation with their kids, cousins, uncles, etc. They usually tell them of how great and beautiful this stage of life is. But is it as good as they told us? Is it as easy as they explained it? Is it as amazing as they described it? They normally describe this part of life as an amazing and valuable stage because of all the new experiences and things you discover. Your first real date, your first kiss, meeting friends that will last you a lifetime, discovering the things you like for you to then select a career to make your life, learn some things about sexuality shown in school, meetings with friends at the mall, etc. After hearing all this stuff every kid could start imagining how great their life would be after entering high school. I also did.
Many family members have talked with me about this stage and they always say the same about it " It's the best " So I believed them.
High school starts, I have great expectations of how great it could be. As adults, our parents told us, school brings great things to us. New friends, new homework, lots of exams and great challenges for us. It also brings some bad influences into our lives in which we decide whether to accept them or avoid them as drugs and alcohol at a young age. Our family tries to prepare us mentally on how hard but cool puberty and adolescence will be. They do their best to give us the best education possible and to show us what's good and what no, what we need to do in each specific situation. And at this point is where my big question comes out. Why didn't they talk with us about breakdowns and lows in self-esteem, lows and raises on self love, about depression and anxiety, about what to do when we feel empty inside.
Why didn't no one tell us about how dangerous depression can be? Why didn't no one warn us that there was also a bad part on that "amazing" stage of life. So there's where I am. On the incredible part of our "valuable" life. I have reached the point in which nothing really matters to me, I just want this to stop, I want to be happy as I was before all this. I want to have that kid's smile I had when I was 8 or 10 years old, To have great moments as I used to with my family instead of being fighting all day long with them. To get good grades and have my parents proud of me instead of having them disappointed because of how low my grades are and because of all my decisions I take on my life. To be a good brother and to give my brother a good example on what to do when he grows up. To socialize as I used to do. To have as many friends without thinking they'll judge me as I used to do. To return in time to change my stupid errors that made me lost many friends. To be myself instead of faking my personality just to be liked by other people. To be myself as I used to do.
My parents most common dialogues to me are:
"why are you always on your phone?"
"why are you always in your room?"
"why can't you go out and socialize?"
"Why are you always wearing this?"
"why don't you just try this?"
"why are you getting mad so easily?"
"why don't you hang out with your real-life friends instead of your online friends?"
"you have to get an A+!!!"
"just why!?!"
And my most common answer is saying: Im sorry, I'm fine, I'll do better next time. Hiding all my emotions and avoiding getting them stressed and worried about my mental health. I know I'm almost all day on my phone, in my video game. They just claim me but have they ever asked why? I'm almost all day on my computer cause I prefer seeing videos than playing sports with guys that bully me, I prefer playing video games because there I can be feel to tell my online friends how I feel without them judging me, I prefer being on my cell phone all day because I can be hearing music and stopping the pain for a while. I know I haven't gotten good grades in a while, but I swear I'm giving my best, I'm hopeless, useless, worthless, I'm never being good enough for you, I'm giving the best from me but I don't really can, I'm scared, I'm just an stupid failure, Whats happening to me? I don't really like doing the things I used to love. I don't really recognize myself.
