When I arrive the first thing I do is put all the things that are mine into a bag. In case I won't be coming back I pack them away ready to take them home with me. I take the random notes I leave him (the 'You're so cute', 'Have a good day', and 'I love you's I scrawl on scraps of paper and leave in the mornings to send a little extra affection his way) and put them in an envelope. I put the envelope in a drawer so they're not on hand, in case seeing them later causes him distress. I wash his sheets, in case they smell like me, dust and vacuum. I'm extremely on edge, every little sound causes me to jump. What if that's him, I'm not ready! My mind yells at every sound I hear in the hall. In a few hours the place is spotless and I still have time to wait. I put on a movie and fall asleep for a while. When I wake up it's 5:30, I try to finish watching the movie but mostly I watch the door.
Finally I hear his keys jingle. I hold myself tight and try to control my breathing. I stare at him as he walks in. He's beautiful I think. Shiny. He radiates. It's an odd quality of his. Maybe it's how his hair has a dozen shades of brown and blonde, combined with his bright blue eyes, cream complexion and sharp features. It's a mixture that makes me wish I knew how to paint. He looks happy, he is in a good mood and I've never felt more like dirt in my life. I've never done anything this awful. I was a good person, but now I'm a cheater. A no good cheating piece of dirt. He comes over and hugs me but the hugs aches. I don't deserve to be hugged right now, I deserved to be kicked. He notices my strained expression
"Are you okay? Tired?" He asks, full of concern.
I nod but say nothing. His eyes go wide trying to read me. "What's wrong? What's wrong?" He asks, catching wind. I stand up and walk over to where the note is. "It's bad." I say, attempting a warning.
"What is it? Tell me?"
Instead I hand him the note. "I'm so sorry." I manage.
He takes it and unfolds it, reads it briefly, and laughs. Literally laughs.
"Yup." He says to himself. Not having finished the note and clearly not wanting to.
"Kevin?" He asks, looking at me. I nod.
"First time?"
"Yes!" I say, indignant. As if I have the right to be.
He stands up and pulls his phone out of his pocket. "I know. I know this is serious but I need to show you this." He says. I look at him confused.
He opens his phone to a text message conversation he was having last night with a friend of his about my being out with Kevin. He tells her how I'm having a night out with my ex and how he is trying to be okay with it. She asks him if they've ever met and he says no, maybe someday.
That last message feels like a punch in the stomach. The idea that those two people could have one day met, that we could have had a truly healthy friendship and I completely ruined any possibility of that, adds a new layer of pain to everything.
He's showing me this to show me how completely he trusted me.
"Finish reading the note please." I say
He looks over at it as if that's the last thing he wants to do but goes for it anyway. I hold my breath. When he is done he puts it down. I wait for him to get angry, but instead he looks... amused. Like all of this is a big joke that I'm just not getting.
"I just want to go back to how things were." He murmurs, again mostly to himself.
His ice blue eyes meet mine "I assume you want to be forgiven, based on the note?"
YOU ARE READING
My Mistake
Cerita PendekMaria is convinced that a friendship with her ex can be no big deal. On a fun night out, she learns just how mistaken she was
