and we were lovers, now we can't be friends

why is it that you took a girl you barely knew
to the movies because she was depressed,
but i would cut up my legs over my life
and you wouldnt care.
i'd lay in your bed crying my eyes out,
shaking and paranoid,
and you only noticed because you were trying to find your phone.
the fourty other girls on ask or facebook mattered more
than the girl who would beg for you to love her back.
i gave up what dignity i had to stay with you,
and you would rather have someone else.
i was only an item for attention towards you;
"i only dated her because she was raped, i felt bad"
i heard it over and over again in my mind.
two years of chasing wasn't worth the tears
that formed in my eyes as you'd spread my legs.
i never felt so empty with you,
but i had gotten to a point i couldn't live without you.
i was stuck in a hole with no escape.
climbing out was hard, but staying out is harder.
i still stand on the edge of that hole today..
nine oh five, and other digits stay in my head;
should i say something and apologize?
i don't think i even like you like that anymore,
i think you're insane if anything,
i don't think your kind should walk this earth.
though, i think part of me thinks i deserve you
because, the only love i've ever known is fear.
i don't miss you i just
wish i never fucking met you.