Guide My Steps - A Zak Bagans Story

Kiss it All Better

A/N: Short chapter, but enjoy! :D

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer

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There were certain points in everyone’s lives where they felt as if they shouldn’t have been born, or shouldn’t have lived to tell another tale…and I won’t lie – I was one of those individuals. It was pretty much borderline depression if you asked me. Now, there was a difference between depression and being suicidal (a name at which Laura had given me after hearing about my nightmare fits). I relied often on my best friends to pull me through – Nick, Aaron, Zak, Billy and Jay all meant something in my life. They all had their own little world with their own little laws and pet peeves and such, but they were such great people. They took me under their wings and taught me how to soar…and I often wondered if I was really a true friend to them.

Sometimes, despite the smile I had put on my face, I knew deep down there was something wrong with me. When I was being created, things weren’t plugged into the right places and switches were installed upside down and the list goes on. Point of the matter was that I was discombobulated in every which way. The Ghost Adventures crew was what kept my stronghold stable and helped with my insecurity issues.

Billy made me laugh – doing so until my cheeks hurt and I about busted a gut. I was the one who influenced his Mohawk phase and truth be told, I made sure I got some say in it as well. Bill wasn’t just another crew tech, he was like my third brother. He loved and treated me like he would his own family.

Aaron was beyond goofy, always there to put that genuine smile on my face. Although his marriage didn’t work out after all that bullshit with Bobby Mackey’s, he still knew how to smile no matter how much he didn’t want to. I was the shoulder he cried on for hours on end after his wife left him…and I was also the one who occasionally helped with all the fan mail and Big Steppin’ orders online to help relieve some of that daily stress. He was such a sweet, caring man that I found it hard to believe he wasn’t currently in love with someone else. I just guessed he gave up the title of ‘lover’ and switched to being my second big bro.

Then there was Jay. That man – although silent and rather shy – he was such a great story teller. He knew just how to retell a tale to make everything thirty times funnier. His wife was also a nice lady, nothing like Laura at all. She loved Jay and he loved her, unconditionally and equally. They were soon to be expecting children any day. I was personally waiting for the announcement. Which brought me to the fact that Jay and I had good chemistry. We balanced each other out on different sides of the equation; he was the positive that yielded the negative, or vice versa. Without either of us, the crew would probably be rather bland.

Shy, reserved and rather awkward at times. You guessed him…it was Nick. Not only was the man my brother, but his family preformed a big favor for me in my childhood. Taking me in, accepting me for the mess of a child I was – they did everything in their power to make sure I had a good life. Growing up in a foreign country was different, and although not born in England, Nick was a pretty good tour guide. He helped me adjust to the school, showed me the best restaurants to grab a quick bite and presented me with the best candy shops around. I was not only incredibly proud to call him my brother, but it killed me every day to remember the things we both gave up for one another as children. I loved Nick to the moon and back…and that was only the beginning of the unintentionally torture he casted upon me during his wedding days.

From the start…I knew Bagans was gonna be trouble.

His entire outlook and attitude was beyond my boundaries. Thrill-seeker, barrier-tester, somewhat of an asshole at times. But he was always misunderstood and that was where we related naturally. Despite all the similarities between me and the other member of the Ghost Adventures crew, Bagans and I formed a bond like no other. From our kiss at the beach to whatever feelings were being stirred around now. We had each other’s back. We loved the same things, the same people but were living for different reasons. And sometimes…I felt as if he thought his job – or a girl – was more important to him than me. Maybe that was jealousy? Or envy?