Drifting From Society

Chapter 1: Masking myself

Sometimes I sit there and wonder what it's like to be happy, to able to go out in public, smiling as if you got your first toy. But then you come back to reality, sadness is my happiness. I dwell on it constantly while I push away the world, push away everything. I'm not the way I used to be, I never will be, and I will never attempt to be. They say for me to find my happiness, but I already have. I hate it but I love it. I just sometimes hope I won't always be this sad girl.
- Selena

I left off on my last entry and slowly made my way towards the edge of the bed. I sat there for a moment, dreading the rest of the day to come, and maybe today will be better. But I've also come to realize that not every day gets better. People say that it will but mine only gets worse. The depression gets worse. Silencing my non-stop thoughts, I got off my bed and got ready for school. Here's hell coming.

I clung onto my jacket as I walked past the park and towards the school. I physically prepared myself to act happy, as for mentally, not so much. It's okay though, I'm used to having to mask my face so people don't see the real me. The funny thing is, I wouldn't care if they saw the real me and at the same time, I would.
"Hey Selena!" Someone said as I continued walking to class, as I ignored them. "Why are you walking away? Are you too scared to face me? Too scared to get beat up again?" I mentally scoffed and walked into my class. Bling. Bling. I made it just in time before the late bell was signaled.
"Ms. Gomez, please try to come at least five minutes before the bell." I saluted Mr. Montgomery as a way of saying yes.

"Okay class, welcome back from summer break. I hope you all had done your summer reading." Everyone laughed, except me. "I see only one of you had read this summer. It's important for you all to read because it not only enhances your vocabulary, but it helps you pass this school year. Therefore, you're all not going to be able to graduate until it's done. Unless you are Ms. Gomez, she was the only one who actually cared about her academics." Cue the groans.

"You're such a kiss up." Some guy had said.
"How? Because I was smart enough to read the packet of the book list to know that it was a requirement for this year? It's not my fault that you spent your summer playing video games that you really aren't even good at." I argued back.
"Who has time to play games and read?" He said with a dumb tone.
"Obviously me if I was able to quick scope your ass and beat you multiple times. Does SGunit ring a bell?" I fired back with a smirk. He's about to flip.
"Dude, what the hell? That was you? You literally carried your whole team every single time you went up against mine. I had the best players on my team!" As astonished as he was, I'm not surprised. I grew up playing video games with my dad.
"Well now you know that you had time, you just couldn't make any because you were attempting to be a try hard for a game you can't beat me on." Oohs came from the students until the teacher held up his hand and waited to speak.
"That's enough. You've all learned your lesson and you should get back to your work, page 87, questions one to ten." Bling. Bling. There goes the bell again, it's not even second period yet.
-•-
I looked out the window from my bedroom and admired the stars, I never really paid attention to them. Just like how I never really noticed how much my room has changed since the accident... It's different.
The walls are now painted with a maroon background with glow little stars upon it, mom loved stars. The bedroom set is an old wooden collection that we bought at a sale, we came across it randomly and decided to buy it. I was happy that day, this set gives me a form of comfort.
Sighing at my last thought, I slowly walked to my bed and searched for the little string for my old antique lamp, it was painted with a nice shade of maroon flowers and a tint of gold here and there. I quickly found the string and tugged just enough for the light to turn off. Feeling myself get sleepy, the heaviness of my eyes took on, I then started feeling myself drift off and suddenly only saw the darkness under my eyelids. My breathing got slower and my head stopped racing with thoughts, I was asleep.

A/N: Hey guys, it's werklikeselena. I'd like to thank you for reading this chapter, it took some time for me to post it. I've been wanting to publish this but I couldn't say if I was ready or not. But, I will try to the best of my ability to update for you. I hope you enjoy the book because I have a really good feeling about it.