Nosaka's insecurities

I should be happy for him

{Nosaka's pov}

Most really didn't expect, me, Nosaka Yuuma, to have a lot of insecurities. They were mostly right though because I don't have a lot of insecurities. I have never doubted my methods nor my decisions, I always believe in myself and my choices. But there is one thing, a certain person who can make me very insecure.

I found something out, which I rather had not.  Nishikage and I shared an apartment so when he went out a lot more than he usually did. I knew something was going on, though I didn't ask him as I was sure he would tell me if it was important. I also didn't want to invade his privacy too much. But then one day, a girl named y/n came to our apartment door and asked if Nishikage was ready. I immediately thought that somehow Nishikage and y/n were a couple, but I couldn't believe it. I asked her where they were going and y/n said they were going on a date. She said something after that too, but I was too shocked to hear it. The possibility that they were dating had immediately crossed my mind when I saw a girl in front of our door asking for Nishikage, but now that she said it I could t believe it. I had actually scrapped that thought away the second it entered because it couldn't be true, I thought. But she said she was going on a date with Nishikage so they were together, they had to. 

Nishikage actually already left, so I told her that he left but I didn't know where he went or where he is now. Y/n nodded and said that Nishikage must have already gone to the place where they were supposed to have a date. Y/n left and I fell to my knees. In my heart, I knew that I would someday see Nishikage with some girl, his special one, but I couldn't handle it right now. Not when it came so out of the blue.

This was a few days ago. I'm still thinking about this moment, every second of the day.

Right now I was doing what I normally did and anyone who looked at me wouldn't notice something was wrong. I was just doing things I normally did, except that I was really frustrated. I had been frustrated ever since I found out a few days ago that Nishikage had been dating y/n. The bad thing is that this is the reason why I'm frustrated, and it makes me very guilty. The thing is I really envied y/n, she was very pretty, but more importantly, she had won Nishikage's heart. Something I know I will never have. I know I shouldn't be frustrated because I knew Nishikage would never love me, I mean I thought it was possible, how stupid of me, but now I know that he doesn't even like boys. I feel so stupid and guilty, guilty for not being happy that my loyal, best friend, who has always been beside me and I have known ever since childhood has found someone he loved. But I couldn't just pretend that I was happy, no I was too sad and it annoyed me to no end. I stupidly thought Nishikage loved me, even though we never were more than friends, I just ended up believing that anyone who would stay with me for so long, would have some kind of romantic feelings towards me. If not then why would he stay with someone like me for so long? Nishikage...why...I don't get it.

But I know our relationship will never be more than friendship, because he has someone now, his special one.  

I couldn't bear to think about this anymore, it was all too much for me. That's why I decided to go play some soccer. Sadly I would need to walk for quite a while to get there and in that time I had too much time to think about never being able to be with Nishikage.

On my way to the soccer field, I walked past a little restaurant and saw Nishikage with y/n. I, after all, I thought about it. Having just convinced myself I would never be with Nishikage and I should pretend to be happy. I couldn't bear seeing them together. Before I knew it I felt tears running down my face. I never really showed a lot of emotions, especially not sad ones, over the year I  became very good at hiding my emotions. Well more like faking to be okay and smile than hiding my emotions, but still I've never cried like this. I wasn't even able to stop crying. 

At that moment I really didn't know what to do so I just decided to go back to my shared apartment with Nishikage, knowing he wouldn't come back until later because he had a date with y/n. I was sure my tears will have stopped before he comes back and I will be mentally stable enough to fake my emotions and hopefully even say I'm happy for him.

In all honesty, I should be happy for Nishikage, but I can't.

{Nishikage's pov)  

Y/n are you sure I mean shouldn't you like do this yourself. You know that I can't keep doing this forever.

Yeah yeah, I know, but Nishikage you have to bear with me I just need to make him jealous so that he will appreciate me and come back to me. This is really important to me so please, I beg of you, just bear with it a little longer, please.

Alright, but I am not doing this for much longer y/n.

Thank you Nishikage you're the best, I really appreciate it. I can never thank you enough for this.

I sigh I know that I promised y/n that I would help her, but honestly pretending to be her boyfriend. I really didn't like it especially when I have feelings for a certain pinkish-red-haired boy, who means the world to me. 

{ Will Nosaka realize that he just read the situation wrong, or does everything take a swing for the worst, well find out in the next chapter(s)This was part 1, part 2 is underway, I hope you liked it, don't be shy please comment! I take suggestions.}