Dysania

⊰ Description + a little more ⊱

Hi lovely's ! Since there's a limit on how many words can be in the description I wasn't able to fit the whole thing. So please read this!! This will be my first book, and I'm really ecstatic to write it for you guys! I hope you enjoy it. This is all I have for now but I will be writing the first chapter tomorrow and hopefully it will be posted around 6 p.m. EST. 

Much love, ℒ𝑒𝓃𝒶𝑒 𝒜𝒹𝑜𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓈. ♥

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"Are you done?" I asked but I knew he wasn't.

"Not even fucking close. Why, would you like me to stop?" He chuckled while staring me dead in the eyes.

"No, Icas. Keep going." I uttered quietly.

"Why?" His rough voice snapped my attention away from the bottle of whiskey sitting on the island to his deep set eyes.

"Hmm." I smirked because I knew I wanted him to keep going. To keep braking me down, I craved it.

"'Cause you like that shit? You know how disturbed you are, Akila? You may have gotten clean, but you still haven't figured this part out. Why you love being hurt, traumatized and fucking eviscerated? It's not normal. It's not healthy, and it permeates every aspect of our relationship. The way we talk, the way we fight, the way we fuck. I've dated some damaged people in my life, Akila. But none of them wanted to be debased and degraded like you. And honestly, Akila... it's nothing to be proud of. So stop fucking smiling, 'cause you look like a clown. Now there's some attention for you."

I watched him as he downed what was left in his glass and walked over to the counter to fill it back up again, he was staring at the artificial fruits displayed right next to the bottle. Then he snapped his eyes back to mine, probably hoping to see any type of emotion. But I of course felt nothing.

You know what I just realized, Akila? It's not about justifying your existence. It's not. It's about you being so scared and so selfish that you have to break me down. Second guess everything I do. "Am I mediocre?" "Can I do this without her?" "I don't know. I better ask Akila." You know what I just realized, Akila? It's not about justifying your existence. It's not. It's about you being so scared and so selfish that you have to break me down. Second guess everything I do. "Am I mediocre?" "Can I do this without her?" "I don't know. I better ask Akila. Maybe Akila will know the answer." "Where's Akila? I need Akila." That's a cut. "Akila, where did you go?" "Did you see that movie? What'd you think?" "You liked it? Yeah, me too." God forbid I'm secure enough in my opinion that I don't need you. That's what this all is about. Your whole speech about feeling ignored. You just need a reason to be needed because if I don't need you, then what the hell am I doing with you, Akila? You want control because you can't imagine the reason I'm with you is because I love you. I just love you, baby. I don't need you. But I love you. That there's somebody on this planet that just loves you. I love the way your mind works, Akila. I do. I love the way you see the world. I love the way you think. Your instincts. And I'm so fucking grateful because everything that you've been through, everything... That's what made you, you. The girl that I love, the girl that I fuck with, the girl that I'm up at 2:00 a.m. in the fucking morning on the longest night of my life because she's relentless." He shook his head while smiling softly.

"And crazy. And I'm sorry, though. I'm sorry. I apologized, you know, and... a thousand times. I know I fucked up. But honestly, the second we got home, all I wanted to do was celebrate with you, baby. Akila, my girl, the love of my life."