Cold Coffee

The Beginning

Dedicated to Alaska. You are always in my heart, and I will never forget you. :)

Gripping one of the poles, she pulled herself onto the railing and gazed over the majestic water below her. It seemed as if it stretched for miles in the dark night. The city lights where ablaze behind her, cars still traveling quickly across the highway, heading home, or finding a new journey. A few stars were visible that evening despite the smog of the city. The moon was full and casting a dim light down upon the water. She stood quietly and unmoving, listening to the sound of the city behind her. The tires moving across the asphalt, horns of angry drivers screaming to one another in some sort of automobile Morse code. Thee faint sound of laughter could be heard in the distance. People walked through the busy streets, most of them fairly young, hoping the city would offer them their one big chance in life. That was something she never got to do, find her big chance. Her chance to do something amazing, impressive, bold, courageous. But, she didn't mind. Her dreams had washed away years ago, so what chance did she even have left? She stood there for a long time, replaying it all in her head, the past few years of her life, all the way up to this morning.

Her parents had just left for work, calling their usual "goodbye" to her, nothing special, nothing new. It seemed like just any other day to them. They left their daughter to get herself to school and thought nothing else of it. Once they were gone, she packed up the last of her books, opened to front door, and braced herself for the mid-December chill of NYC. She walked quietly down the street, gazing at the large piles of snow on the sides of the road, and the tall skyscrapers circled around her. New York was like a gigantic maze of buildings, cars, buses, and subways. Only the natives really knew what they were doing, like her. Visitors could read every bus map, every street sign, and every MapQuest printout and still have no idea what the hell they were doing. She continued down the littered sidewalk and headed in the direction of the subway that took her to school. That was another thing about the big Apple. It wasn't like there was a school bus to drive each and every child to and from school, you had to find a way there yourself. Whether it meant walking twenty five blocks or taking the rotten subway, neither of which was in any way glamorous.

After stepping off the rusty old piece of mobilized scrap metal, she made her way to the school about two blocks from the sub-station. Opening the doors to the large building meant opening the doors to a world of hurt and pain and ridicule, at least in her eyes. As she made her way to her locker, pairs of eyes stalked her down the halls. The brutes simply pushed her out of the way, while the less muscular went for a more verbal approach. She kept her head down and tried to block out the voices and faces that haunted her each day of her life. She made her way to her locker, pulled out her books and made her way to her first class just down the hall.

Just a few more hours, and it will all be over she thought to herself as she continued down the hall. She reached the door of the classroom and solemnly walked inside, still keeping her eyes glued to the floor. She sat down in her seat in the middle of the room and carefully set her books on her desk. A few minutes later, the teacher walked in and began to scribble notes on the board. Not even five minutes into the class, a crumpled up piece of notebook paper landed on her desk. She opened it up to find one of the many cruel notes she received day by day.

"GO DIE IN A HOLE FUCKING WHORE" was written in big, red letters across the sheet of paper. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before folding up the paper and sticking it in her pocket. The rest of the morning went by similarly, people pushing her in the halls, calling her names, one kid even smacked her books out of her hands causing her notes to scatter across the floor. At lunch, she sat alone at a table by the trash can, observing the adolescents around her, some eating sandwiches from home, others forcing down the sludge that was prepared in the old rundown cafeteria. But, most of them were gossiping amongst one another. Who likes who, who did her, who broke up with him, the usual drama in the typical twenty first century high school. It was like a big, boiling pot of jocks, preps, nerds, Goths, theatre geeks, average school kids, wan-a-bees. But in every high school, there was always that one person who wasn't understood by anyone, or rather no one took the time to try and understand them. That was her.

The second half of the day was just about as bad as the first, the names, the pushing and shoving, the ridicule, the torture, the pain, the suffering. It was all the same. Then again, it never changed. For as long as she was willing to remember, it had always been this way. There wasn't anything she could do to stop them, the bullies. When the final bell rang, she took one last look at the hallways, the lockers, the terrible things that dared to call themselves people. She turned away, ready to leave it all behind, and walked out the front doors of the building, to the sub-station, until she ended up at home. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door to her four person apartment and walked inside, dropping her book bag on the floor. Just like she did every day after school, she walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup of juice and a granola bar, and walked to her bedroom.

Her room was the only place in the world where she felt safe. Posters of her favorite bands hung neatly on the walls along with prints of her favorite paintings. He queen sized bed was nudged into one corner of the room, covered in a dark, indigo colored comforter. There was a chair in the corner next to the bed's and various other bedroom furnishings like vanities and drawers lining the walls. Keeping the lights off and the curtains closed while setting her juice on her nightstand, she flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was covered in glow in the dark stars that she had put up years ago. The polluted city did not offer much natural beauty in the night, so she took to creating her own. It was like her own little galaxy printed in plastic right above her head. She closed her eyes and rehearsed her plan over and over in her head until she knew it as well as her own name. For the next three hours she sat, contemplating everything in her mind, making no sound beside the steady hum of her breath, the only thing that let her know she was still alive. She heard the front door open and both of her parents walk inside the apartment, the sound of shoes hitting the floor and coats being hung on the wall could be heard all the way from the kitchen along with the light chatter between the couple.

She got out of her bead and walked into the kitchen to be greeted by her successful parents. They were New York's prime example of the few young people who come to the city and actually get their big chance. In this case, their chance was a partnership at a big law firm in the middle of Manhattan, the reason for their obscenely large apartment and expensive clothing. They were perfect together, always staring at one another with so much love and passion. They were only whole when they were together, after all, that is why they chose to work together in the first place. She had always wished she would find a love similar to her parents, but sadly, that never happened. After they greeted their daughter with a hug and small peck on top of her head, her mother began to place the food she had picked up on her way home out on the table. The family sat down and enjoyed a nice, quiet meal, just like any other night. Small talk was thrown here and there, but other than that, everyone remained with their own thoughts.

After the table was cleared, the family made their way to the living room to watch a little TV before bed, again, like every other night. Her parents were cuddled up on the couch while she opted for the loveseat in the corner. Her father changed the station to some cheesy, nineties comedy that was playing on the all-night movie channel. No ne made a sound, well, except for the couple sitting on the couch who were in their own, private world, forgetting about the movie and their daughter all together. About two thirds of the way into the movie, she announced that she was going to bed. She walked over to her parents giving them each a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walked away towards her room. Just before she rounded the corner into the hallway, she took one last look at them, still cozied up in a big furry blanket.

If they only knew she thought to herself, then continued towards her bedroom. She walked into her bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She then walked back into her room, only she didn't put on her pajamas as she normally did. Instead, she walked into her closet and pulled out an old shoe box resting against the back wall. The girl opened the box, examining its contents, and pulled out the note she had folded in her pocket. Unfolding the piece of paper, she read it over and over again, and placed it in the box with the hundreds of others. But this time, she didn't put it back in the closet. She laid down on her bed and placed it in her lap, staring back up at her galaxy. Two hours later, when she was sure her parents had gone to sleep, she quietly got out of bed, rummaged around in her desk for the envelope and placed it under her sheets. Taking one last look at her beloved room, stars and all, she grabbed the box and walked out into the hallway. Luckily, the door was on the complete opposite side of her parent's room and the hinges where fairly new. The girl undid the lock and quietly crept out of the apartment.