Pertained | (Under Construction)

16

(Unedited)

Dear Helen,

It's no wonder I missed you in my dreams, although I knew you weren't mine, I still wished you to be.

I should have known your feeling by our little dumb dress choice. This will be my last letter to you.
Live your life, you deserve it!

Yours
Anonymous.

Tears streamed down my face, although I didn't understand why? A voice inside of me mocked you wanted this, didn't you?

I fell on the couch involuntarily, despair settling in my heart. I sat there, glued to the couch despite the time. I heard the door click open and my mom walked in. I heard a cluck and the lights came on. My mom came rushing to me, I was able to witness my mom's arrival and her concerned screams but my body doesn't want me to react or to answer them.

"Ele, Ele? Speak something" my mom yelled, shaking me fiercely.

I snapped out of my trance and uttered in a small voice "look at this" and passed the letter to mom.

I looked at my mom, she gave me a puzzled look and said "it's okay, you have to move on Ele, you're almost in a relationship, you can't be in a relationship with two guys".

I knew she was right but why wouldn't my heart listen? It keeps asking for the impossible.

"I love Aiden" I confessed out loud, my mom patted my back with an approving look.

I kept chanting inside my head, "I love Aiden, I love Aiden, I love Aiden...", nodded at her and walked to my room, locked the door, and settled on my bed spontaneously.

I stared at the ceiling for hours, not knowing what I was supposed to do. I crushed the letter, tears stroking my chin. I looked at the crushed paper and thought to myself "everything I wanted", although I didn't regret falling in love with Aiden, this hurt too.

I heard my phone ring in my pocket, I let it ring. It rang for a long time, I picked it, cleared my throat, and spoke somewhat casually, without checking the dialer "hello".

"Why aren't you replying to my messages? Do you think I'm an idiot? Of course, that's what you think, I'm trying not to be rude here Ele!" I heard the yelling from the other side.

"Hello to you too Nathan, I'm fine, thanks for asking" I replied, irritated at his tendencies.

"You think it's funny? No one ever dares to..." He kept yelling, infuriating my already numbed senses.

I hanged his call, his rants wanted me to punch him in the face, with so much on my plate, I didn't know what else to do, I tried to be polite despite the state I was in.

He kept ringing, enraging my hurt state, I picked and yelled, although tears welled from my eyes, I knew he wouldn't be able to witness it. So I screamed "listen here golden king, I have no time for your shits! I have been nice to you, you douchebag, well, if no one dares to reject your calls, go running to them and do whatever the fuck you wanted to do. Stop enraging me!".