Dear Diary (Elena Gilbert's diary;)

Dear Diary, Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say, "I'm fine, thank you. Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl that lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through.

Dear Diary, I made it through the day. I must have said "I'm fine, thanks" at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. I've found that when someone asks "How are you?", they really don't want an answer.

Dear Diary , I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it,pretend like it would all be okay. I had a plan, I wanted to change who I was, create a life with someone new, without the past, without the pain, someone alive. But it's not that easy .The bad things stay with you, they follow you, you can't escape them- as much as you want to .All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it . I need it .

Dear Diary , this morning was different. There's change. I can see it...I feel it. Fot once, I don't regret the day before it begins. Because I know I will see him again. For the first time in a long time, I feel good.... I tried . I want so much to make things right but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don't know can hurt you.

Dear Diary, I am not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and than they die. That's the world we live in. But how can I deny what's right in front of me ? Someone who never gets old, never gets hurt. Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten, bodies drained of blood ...

Dear Diary, I know it's been a while. A long while . I haven't needed... I haven't wanted to write this stuff down, but I don't want to say it out loud either. The thing is: I'm a vampire ,and I hate it . I feel hopeless,depressed ,angry, but most of all; I'm scared. Part of me just wants to end it, but then I think of Jeremy. I'm all, that he has left , so I need to find a way through this . No matter what it takes.

Dear Diary , today I did the thing I was most afraid of ...I lost control ... I killed someone.