Trust ?

"Me , it's always me who gets all the shit , it's always me who had to pick myself back up again after everything had passed , it's always me who has to endure the torment of those disgusting people, it's always me who has to go home acting like I'm the most popular kid in school ... It's always me"
I pulled back my chair and sat down, I put my button covered backpack on my lap and rummaged around for my battered old but really sentimental pencil case and my Stephen king book, which was Carrie today (lucky me), I found my page and sat in silence for morning registration like always no friends. no acquaintances. Nothing. I was alone and empty as usual... But It wasn't always like this i had friends , acquaintances most of all my best friend ... Mai ... That name still rings around in my head, it kills me to think about her. She was my other half ... my better half ... but I had to disconnect us ... She trusted me ... Now I'm incomplete and I had failed ... All I do is fail 🌊

Failure is the definition of me I'm a failure my life is a failure and my existence is a failure.

So anyway .. Mai .. She was so innocent, it was us against the world like Tate and Violet in American horror story . Mai she had mousy brown hair and deep oceanic blue eyes that you could fall into like they were pages of your favourite book , she wore these cute vintage glasses that I made fun of but I secretly adored them and she had her hair in a messy bun always 😔 ,we would leave our lesson and at lunch and break go to the art department and sit , chat and do art for what felt like a lifetime but it wasn't a lifetime it was about 50 mins , we had planned out secondary school so we would work together in class and achieve the same grades every time (we were such nerds) , but then she seemed to get more and more depressed every day I would constantly ask her "what's wrong" she would just reply in a shrug and a mumble then one day I needed to know so I stood straight and asked her "ok I know you seem depressed but I'm your best friend YOU CAN TELL ME A N Y T H I N G" that was the worst mistake I had ever made by saying those 16 words I had already started a gigantic shit storm 💬