it's been almost three years since you've cut me off and yet why is it that now i remember you and my heart hurts? why? why do you always appear in my dreams?
i'm always happy when you're in my dreams. and then i wake up. you're not in my life anymore.
you were my best friend. you made me happy every single day at school. i loved you platonically.
it was in third grade when we met. we were taking an exam and when you entered i couldn't take my eyes off you. i knew i had developed a crush on you.
we slowly made our way into a friendship, and i would be lying if i said that ours wasn't one of my favorites. if not, it was my favorite. you were too funny, and you lit up my grayest days.
fourth through fifth, you were still my best friends. even though we had trials and triumphs, we always made them up.
middle school started, and even though i thought we would be separated, we didn't. we went to the same school, our elementary's "sister school", and our friendship continued. we met new people, including my new best friend which i'll call d, and someone i believe was the first person i truly fell in love with: a.
you still remained to make me laugh, and i remember you gave me some of your lunch, and told me, "you need to start eating healthy. i care a lot about you. i think about you." and that truly hit me.
summer rolled around and seventh grade was about to start. i tried texting you over the summer but you weren't really talkative over text, and either left me on read or was dry.
when seventh grade was about to start, i texted you, and you responded. it was kinda unexpected because you almost didn't respond, so i was excited. that's when you told me "i don't want to be friends with you anymore". i kinda expected this to happen, so i told you, "okay" "but why though?" you never told me why.
that was back in 2018, almost three years ago. and yet these years still have you appear in my dreams. you appear and make me so, so damn happy. i don't even remember you being gone. and then i wake up. and i realize.
about 2 days ago, you popped up in my dreams again, only this time i realized it was a dream and i told you how you cut me off and i missed you. you say next to me and listened. i don't remember after that.
i miss you. i miss you so, so damn much. why? why did you go without reason? why didn't you ever tell me?
you were my best friend elementary to middle. you were the only person who could cheer me up. and now you're gone.
i don't know if i'll ever move on, or if i ever choose to, but i don't want to let go of our memories. i miss you, d. i miss you too damn much.
i hope you're okay and having fun in your life currently. i hope your new school is okay and that you're doing well. i still love you the same.
i pray that we meet again. that some time, it won't just be in my dream, but in reality, too.
you'll always mean something to me. i mean it.
i love you.
- a.
