Chapter 12

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Tw: Suicide talk/Self harm

He hurt me.

I got out of the show got changed and realized I didn't have my phone I don't want to talk to nick right now but I should have it in case someone else needs me right?

I walked out to clay sitting on his couch looking concerned
"How was your shower?"
He asked
"Good"
"Nick texted me"
"What did he tell you"
I questioned quickly
"He told me he fucked up bad and said some stuff he didn't mean to you but he didn't tell me what he said or anything that's all I know"
"Oh, yeah Um yeah"
I responded
"Like I said you don't have to talk about it but I think it helps to get it off your chest I'm always here for you you know that right?"
"Yeah I know clay thank you but Um there's a little backstory" I said
"I have all the time in the world" he responded

Clay paused the TV scooted over and pat the spot next to him for me to sit down I sat down and started to talk

"So um I've been in therapy for 11 years"
I started
"Okay"
He responded surprisingly calm
"Your not shocked or mad?"
I asked confused
"No of course not it's not your fault"
He responded while putting his hand on my thigh in a comforting manner

"Um so like I was saying I've been in therapy for 11 years I was put in for childhood trauma and was soon diagnosed with depression and anxiety."
"Okay"
He said

"I've had trouble with Suicide for a while now, I've tried to do it several times."
I continued
"I cut myself clay. I'm sorry"
I started crying again I leaned into clays shoulder and just held me there
"It's okay y/n don't cry your too beautiful to cry"
"I'm sorry"
"No don't be sorry it's okay"
He responded
He truly cared

I pulled myself together to continue the story

"I'm so sorry clay I hate doing it that's why I stream it distracts me I guess."

"When was the last time you cut yourself y/n"
Clay asked

I had to think about that one...
Oh my god
It's been a month since I cut... I've never successfully gone 2 days without cutting but it's been a month.

Holy shit

I haven't cut since I met clay.

Clay is the only reason it's been one whole month.

"Y/n?"

I couldn't say anything I just hugged clay and cried happy tears

"It's okay y/n don't cry please"
He said
"No no it's happy tears"
"What?"
He asked clearly confused
"I haven't cut since I met you, it's been a month clay I haven't gone 2 days without cutting in the last 11 years but it's been a month"
I said between cry's
"I'm so proud of you y/n that's so good"
I pulled myself together a little bit and just looked clay in the eyes he was crying too I wiped away his tears and said

"why are you crying?"
"I'm so proud of you"
There was a pause before he said
"I love you so much y/n"
I didn't hesitate with what I said next
"I love you with all my heart clay"
We hugged and cried together for a few minutes before I explained the whole nick situation.

"That bastard"
Clay said he sounded like he was ready to fight someone or punch something but he didn't move from our hug.
"Can I see the texts?"
He asked
"Yeah I'll go grab my phone I'll be back"

I went to my apartment grabbed my phone looked at it I have 34 missed calls from nick and a bunch of missed texts I opened the texts

*text convo*

Nick
I'm sorry

Y/n?

Please answer

I'm so sorry

I didn't mean that

Please tell me your okay

Please Y/n

I need you

I just got jealous of you and techno that's all I'm really sorry


What? Jealous of me and techno? Why? It's clearly just a joke. Wait why would he be jealous did he like me like that? We haven't even met.

I kept reading the texts they were all the same 'I'm sorry' bullshit

I went back the clays place and handed him the phone he read through the texts and started clenching his fist
"That mother fucker!"
Clay said clenching his teeth

"He's calling"
Is all clay said before handing me the phone
"Do I answer?"
I asked
"Do whatever you feel is right but if he makes one wrong move I'm driving to Texas tonight and beating his ass"

I answered

*call convo"

"Hello"
"Hey y/n thank god your okay I'm so so incredibly sorry I didn't mean what I said I took my anger out on you and I shouldn't have"

I didn't say anything

"Y/n please talk to me I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you that's was stupid"
He pleaded
"Your anger?"
I asked
"Yeah I shouldn't have said any of that I'm just an idiot"
"I get family problems and I get taking your anger out on someone but you don't just tell someone to kill themselves because your mad nick"
I snapped back
"I'm sorry y/n it was just.........family problems"
He said slowly
"Alright nick cut the bullshit what kind of family problems make you jealous of me and techno huh?"
"You read that text, shit"
Is all he said before I hung up

"I'm sorry y/n he's a dickhead"
Clay said immediately hugging me
"I just wanna go to bed"
I said
"Okay you can sleep in my bed"
He lead me to his room and handed me the tv remote.
He tucked me in and stared to walk away but I grabbed his hand.
"No stay"
Is all I said before he started laying down

I put my head on his chest while he held me close.

That's all I remember before I drifted off to sleep.

Clays POV

Y/n had fallen asleep in my arms. She looked so perfect and peaceful when she sleeps. I can't believe nick would say that stuff to her I know when he gets mad he gets really mad but it's never been this bad before

I just hope she's okay

I love her



1068 words

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