Overcoming Sang(Paused)

Chapter Three

Dear diary,

I'm strong, I get that. But sometimes I don't know if I'm normal. Am I really meant for a life void of pain and terror?
Sometimes I doubt myself. Who I am. It's so ingrained into me that I'm worthless and will amount to nobody. Is this true or just a lie told to keep me compliant to those who wanted to see me in pain?
What if I do or say the wrong thing, and the guys see how much they gave me, I don't truly deserve?
I can't lose them. I feel these tingles, this satisfaction and content when they are around me. I'm so use to having their support, that I don't think I could survive as a person without them.
I know I'd still be able to live. But I wouldn't be able to survive. I'd be an empty shell going day by day, as though on autopilot. Emotions only on the surface.
I'd survive in a new kind of pain. The kind that strains the heart, and craves what it can't have. The kind that kills you slowly. Kills your motivation.

Is this love?

Kota, he's so smart and always looks for something to learn.

Victor, who gives his whole soul into his words, as well as music.

Corey, who smiles support and confidence no matter how small and accomplishment.

Brandon, who wants the best for others, because he understands the worse.

Gabriel, who can see the best from the world and wants to show it to everyone.

Silas, he gives hugs as encouragement to keep going through the struggles.

Luke, he looks for and spreads positivity, even in the worse situation.

North, who protects everyone, whether in health or in physical form.

Nathan, first to see when a break is needed. Last to see if it's himself.

Axel, always ready to offer a hand. Always ready to support.

Raven, willing to go great lengths to keep others safe, even at risk to himself.

Marc, who encourages everyone to be happy and drink coffee, living with a you only live once, why not enjoy it motto.

Sean, willing to get goofy and cheerful, just to get a smile.

And Owen.

Owen, With the weight of the world on his shoulders, he wants everyone to see him as strength and dependent on him. He is the control to chaos. But inside, he is passion. Giving everyone a chance to explore themselves. And willing to help everyone adjust.

These men are in my heart. My soul. They give me strength, support, and love.

So what do I give them?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Today is my Trial. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

The guys said I could drive myself there in my new car if I wanted. I almost declined, but decided that I needed some alone time to think. (And also didn't want to bother them if they didn't want me riding with them.)