Just South of Heaven

The beginning

I was never the most social person.

But, then again, being a reclusive person who keeps to themselves, even at the most prestegious moments would do that to someones representation.

In a way, I'm glad. I lived my life the way I had wished to, but now I look back, and there's a side of me, a very small, inevitable side of me that wishes I had done something, anything, worth the time of history.

But, again, I was a recluse.

And I'd like to say it wasn't all my fault. Of course, my brother helped with this. I couldn't climb up the social ladder even if i tried.

He made sure of that when he brought a gun to school.

And now all that I see, all that I hear brings me back to the moment.

That fucking moment.

When he shot down five students, injured two, and disappeared.

Of course, no criminal gets away that easily. He was found two days later, on his way out of town.

He's locked up in County jail, now. A recluse. Just like me.

The County jail was just outside the outskirts of town, bordered on the other side of our Great Lake, the only tall and gothic building this town has. It had a demanor that could make anyone run with their tail between their legs, and yet, I was drawn to it.

And, no. Not as in a fascinated stupor. I was scared. Scared to believe that was a place holding monsters.

But that place held my brother. The only living family member I had, or, one I at least attempted to realize. My mother and I weren't very close, and as far as I was concerned, she was just a block of ice sitting on the couch all seconds of the day, in a drunken stupor.

She had no care for me but to buy the groceries she needed, mostly consisting of liquor. She littered the empty bottles all over the floor, never bothering to clean them up and never bothering to reckon me.

I wish I didn't care. I wish I wasn't sitting on this dock, overlooking the perfect view of the introverted jail.

I wish I wasn't sad.

But no matter how much I tried, the tall building holding my brother was rippling its reflection over the waves, causing a hypnotic trance, something I couldn't stop looking at it. The sunlights golden orange and pink rays were lightly touching the waters surface, and no matter the beauty, i wish it were to just disappear.

And no matter how hard I tried, screaming until I was blue in the face, my mother would not wake up. She wouldn't do anything but get up for another bottle, looking for the answers at the bottom of it. But it was never there.

And, no matter how hard I wished, how hard I cried, how many deep breaths I took, I knew things could not go back to how they were before.

My brothers trial would be held May 16th.

And there was an 85% chance he would be executed for the crimes he's comitted.

And, god damn it, no matter what I did, I couldn't change things.

I could not go back in time, to that date. I couldnt go back to January 16th. The day my brother had enough of it. The day my brother turned into a monster, the boogeyman in my closet, and the face that haunted me at nights.

I couldn't go back, when I wasn't even sure where I was anymore.