A Penny for Our Thoughts

Entry One

April 1, 2021
Journal entry 1

So i've decided that i should start a journal. I hear a lot of people talking about keeping one. They say it helps them out, so i want to give it a shot. Maybe it'll help me in the end as well. Who knows. If it does, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Simple as that. I'm usually not the type to spill their thoughts to people or on paper. But at some point, I think i've got to before it becomes any more worse.
I was thinking about keeping a journal back in december for the new year. If im gonna be honest, the whole new years thing is like another day down in the depths. It is nice to see the glimmer of hope and envisions thinking that they're gonna be a new person, everything's gonna change. Sometimes it's a bit satisfying and amusing to watch that slowly fade away. But good for them, right?
Kinda like this. I'm barely starting this. And its four months into the year. Now i want to apologize dearly if  I'm not consistent with this. I always tend to lose motivation after the first few weeks of starting something new. Don't get me wrong, I'm kinda excited? Happy? To start this, but ultimately, I think the consistency will eventually fade. Hopefully by then, I don't need this stupid thing and you'll continue your everyday life.
Truthfully, I can't write. I can't write for shit. Poop. I mean I can't write for poop. Most of the time, it turns into mumbo jumbo. Sometimes, it's all over the place. Sometimes, when I write, I can't stay on one topic and it becomes a pile of things that aren't even related. Like when your depression pile starts growing in your room. It'll start by putting whites there, colors here, and jackets on the desk or chair. Pretty soon it's just wherever there's space and doesn't matter what's what anymore. Then it becomes this one big pile of mixed clothes and it's all over the place.
And there are times when by mind just can't comprehend writing. As though my brain were thinking of every other thing possible I could be doing except thinking of what I'm supposed to be writing or in some cases doing. I could be doing something and my brain tells me to stop, drop, and roll... kidding. It just tells me all the things I could be possibly doing instead of the former.
Gosh I can already tell I did just did what I said I was gonna do. Predictable.
I think this is should be the end of this first entry. I kinda just wanted to say what was the point of me having one while writing in it. I just wanted to give you an introduction to this. It's not that you'll keep reading though, right? Okay but what the hell am I gonna do with this when this is done?? Am I just gonna give this to the person I fall deeply in love with for them to read all about me? Uhm no. Too much information about me.
Enjoy or not enjoy this "photo-dump," if you will, of what's in my mind at the moment. Since this is our only little rendezvous. Maybe you can start a journal too, so we can do this together? You feel? Only if you want to do so though.

-k.