Respect (Sakusa x Reader) - DICONTINUED

Grief

Shit.

You feel like it, you smell like it and quite frankly that was the worst mistake of your entire life.

Sobbing mess is what you are now, curled up into a foetus position as you rock back and forth before slumping to the ground, you had just run away from Iwaizumi's apartment when he went to shower. You shouldn't have done it and now you have a heavy heart, a break of trust and a man that loves you so much that was willing to put his own career on the line for you waiting on the other side of the world praying you won't do the very thing you just did.

You don't deserve him.

Not when your phone still vibrates against the wooden floor, you had chucked it there the moment you got home, actually a lot of things now lay on the floor. Broken, lost, in pieces you don't really care anymore what right do you have to feel sorry for yourself when Sakusa is waiting for you.

It lights up again, he must be really missing you. Slumping over tears running down, you have never cried so much until now not even when you excused him of cheating, oh how the tables have turned. It's your head now on the chopping block, you don't even deserve him, Sakusa deserves so much more than a sorry sack that is you.

Picking up the vibrating phone, you don't care for the tax it will have, you pick it up anyway unable to restrain the tears and hiccupping mess, he deserves to know.

That is much you can give.

"Y/n?" His tired gruff voice chimes through the phone, the sexiness is unbearable. Swallowing thickly you summon up the courage for the next few words to trail out of your gasping lips.

"O-omii," Sniffling a little, Sakusa pauses, something is very wrong.

"Y/n? What's wrong you can tell me." His soft voice so smooth and warming you cry more for feeling so disgusting, why is he so warm when soon he'll be nothing but an empty shell.

You're going to destroy him and for what so you can feel like the slag you are, Sakusa doesn't deserve you, no one does. It's best to rip this off like a band aid.

"I, I," Tears smudging your vision, snot trickling down your front, you wipe it with the back of your hand, he needs to hear you clearly say this.

"Y/n, what is it? You're scaring me." There it was, you muted yourself, well you thought you did, screaming and thrashing.

Sakusa still on the other end hears thudding and crashing and eventually the one sentence he was dreading and not ready to hear you say. If it wasn't for that he would be one flight away from punching the 'man' who was in your house from the sounds you were making on the other end. It was much worse than that.

"I can't believe I slept with Iwa-fucking-izumi."

His breath hitches almost suffocatingly so, everything stops around him, all sound and all movement. His eardrums pop the high pitch sound squeaking into existence, heart beating rapidly against his chest.

What did you say?

You slept with someone, turning down to his still on the phone screen icon, you mustn't have meant for him to hear that, more crying and wailing, and then a thud. He hears you whimpering on the other end faint but still there, you never cry or show emotion when it's not to him, it must be true. All of it.

He only called because he had a shitty day at college and then his teammates were being arses about his relationship, they were goading him 'he should watch out before another dude fucks you' he didn't believe it. You wouldn't do that, not to him, but you did.

You did.

He gasps, restraining himself from uttering another word and before he could even say anything you come back to the phone. Hiccupping still but less than before, you had no idea he heard you nor that he awaits the truth.

If you tell him now, he will forgive you.

He closes his eyes, breathing in deeply he knows that much so that he's ready to forgive. Unlike you when he was forcefully kissed back in middle school, he'll let you have one chance to speak up now. He's hoping to god you'll tell him.

Why? That's what love is.

"Omi, I, I, fuck, shit, fucking hell~ I, am so sorry but I slept with Iwaizumi. I had no idea that he was in America until now, I'm sorry for keeping it from you but I regret it, so, so much." You ramble on, unknowingly unable to witness the sad painful smile donning Sakusa's face.

He crouches to the floor hand in hair, he breaths out sharply.

"I get it, we're done right? You hate me, right? You want to break up right?" Your voice breaks at the last word which trails back into existence to his ears, his heart must have stopped for too long, now he's hearing the words 'break up?' leave your lips.

You cry out more, worse than breaking your leg worse than losing nationals, this is far worse that failing a test. You have betrayed Sakusa so dearly that you don't even see a future with him anymore, he must be out of his mind to take you back.

It's not like you only kissed Iwaizumi but also lost yourself within the moment, it's one of the biggest things you regret but now you reap the consequences of it all.

Karma really is a bitch.

"Y/n, I forgive you." Is all he says into your ear, gasping as more lightheaded tears run down the side of your cheeks, how can this man be so forgiving?

"Omi please-"

"I forgive you, Y/n. I love you so much that, I'm so thankful that you told me now and," He pauses for a moment just to cover his eyes with the palm of hand small tears escape his own eyes. "I'm glad you're regretting it; it means that the love you have for me is greater than the one-night stand." Gasping still you let your head fall back hitting the wall.

"I love you too."

"It should've never have happened." Breaking the silence first looking up from your knotted hands, Iwaizumi smiles sadly.

"I know." Ignoring the pain behind his eyes you continue on.

"I regret what I did and now I'm going to work seriously to keep him besides me. This time I will be chasing him." Confused Iwaizumi stays silent after all he has no idea what you've been through with Sakusa.

"You really do love him?"

"Yes."

~*~

Man Sakusa probably wouldn't have accepted it but fuck that I need them to stay together😭