We Would Be Lost Without Them

Despite the fact that us teens pretend we know what our purpose is in life, we don't. Generally speaking, we're lucky if we end up in one piece...and that's with the help of a mentor. I bet you remember being a clueless degenerate wondering what the universe had in store for you. Roaming the halls thinking: when will I figure myself out? Then all of a sudden a heroic, light-in-the-darkness, wise archetype steps forward to take you under their wing and poof your troubles are gone. I've been in your place; grasping onto some form of support to rebuild my confidence and so has every fictional character I can think of. I think it's apparent that mentorships are vital for growing as an individual, but I owe you the explanation of why this is. Guidance, motivation, and emotional support: the three things that shape our young minds for the better. These are the individual qualities that mentors can provide to us which put us on the path to success, encourage us to believe in ourselves, and keep us from letting our negative thoughts drive us to a mental institution.

I'll let you in on a little secret... Any worthy mentor must specialize in providing guidance. It's basically the first thing in the rulebook, but that doesn't mean you have to be all high and mighty to do so. In fact, In "The Iron and The Soul" Henry Rollins' guide to success is his teacher: Mr. Pepperman.

When Rollins struggles with his awkward skinny demeanor, Mr. Pepperman uses his authoritative position to direct him toward a coping mechanism that would benefit his appearance and strengthen his mentality. His advice and guidance to pump iron or workout initially shows Rollins that someone out there cares about him and his struggles. This is evident when he states: "He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring" (Rollins, 1994) This is where Mr. Pepperman shows his commitment to being a role model and leading Rollins through that rough patch of his life. Rollins begins to realize what this mans navigation has given him when he sees the physical results: "He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away." (Rollins, 1994) Rollins confidence started to blossom solely because of Mr. Peppermans action to support him. After receiving his tutelage, Rollins throws away his doubts and trades them in for an admirable personality, unwavering confidence, and the ability to recognize his purpose. Mr. Pepperman taught him the lesson, gave him the guidance, and he thrived because of it. He goes on to say "The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back." (Rollins, 1994) Rollins went on to become a great American Musician and at the end of the day he only made it anywhere because of a gym teacher that went out on a limb to provide guidance to a scrawny kid with no sense of himself. But it's the people who see what we can become that make the best mentors.

Although guidance can lead a mindless teen to the right path, They're not always so eager to actually go down it. That's why mentors must also be good motivators; by this I don't mean preppy cheerleaders, but more so a person to help you get through the mud and stick by you to remind you why you're doing this in the first place. In 'Good Will Hunting' screenwritten by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, Will Hunting is a prime example of an arrogant kid who isn't so open to the idea of seeking guidance. His prodigy-like intelligence is sought out by college science professors that want to make something of him, but because of Huntings upbringing in the slums his attitude is piss poor which prevents him from fulfilling his potential. Most people face the assholic facade he puts up and gives up on helping Will, but this all changes when Sean Maguire, a mandated therapist learns his deep seated insecurities and sticks by him regardless of his difficulty to open up and confront his emotions. When Will first arrives he is aware of what he should be doing to help himself get out of the slums, but ignores this because of lack of motivation. He expects Sean to give up on him easily like everyone else does which would then lead to him going back to his job as a janitor and ending up nowhere in life. Instead, Sean waits out every therapy session until Will agrees to cut the crap and speak. He puts up with Will psychoanalyzing him and using foul language to push him further away. Their breaking point is when Sean pushes Will to speak: "You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that, do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief." (Bender, Carmody, 1998) It is this moment where Will realizes the interest Sean has in seeing this thing through. Before now everyone had given in to his shtick, but Seans motivation to pursue him goes on to motivate Will to open himself up and share his hidden self-doubts. Once they are out in the open, Sean uses motivational advice to remind him that becoming a scientist could be hard, but if he doesn't try he may look back at what he could've been and regret not going for his dream: "You'll have your bad times, which wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to. And you can fail, as long as you're trying hard. But there's nothing worse than regret."(Bender, Carmody, 1998) In the end Sean's persistent desire to motivate Will pays off as he realizes he is more than just your average genius and is worthy of his talents. Will only goes off to study science with prestigious professors because Sean showed him that he had the tools to be something better than a janitor. Because "Some people Can't believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first."- Good Will Hunting

Motivation is cool and all, but what about those of us who don't have the stability to get up and reach for our potential without falling right back down on our tushees? For instance, I am the embodiment of emotional instability. With all of my mental illnesses I find it hard to even get up in the morning let alone push myself to find my purpose. This is why a good mentor has an effective built in emotional support system to make everything feel a little less overwhelming. My mentor just so happens to also be my best friend. The fact that she knows about my every move and feeling helps when I breakdown and the world seems to be ending. Just this summer I hit rock bottom. My side was adhered to bathroom floor ceramic and water ran like a faucet from my eyes. I was in a wall staring, feel nothing, prozac-driven state spending my last night at the cottage hitting a wall, wishing I was dead. Not the 'I want to fall asleep and be figuratively paralyzed for a couple days die" I mean actually drop dead. I was at the end of my rope and had no idea why I was feeling this way or how I could come back from it. Odette (otherwise known as my mentor) helped me rebound from the depression and isolation that was circling through my head. Emotional support can go anywhere from helping you walk through your emotions to even just being there physically. Her hand on my back and calming voice served as a blanket to soften the pain I was feeling in that moment. The sureness in her voice was the stillness that I needed through my mental storm. Something as simple as that made me push away my illness and feel like I wasn't going to die anymore; the knife was no longer a thought that took up space in my head. Just like that I downed a glass of water and headed to the dock instead of self harming. I always considered her pretty wise, but in that moment she was every piece of advice I needed to hear and every ounce of courage I was missing. I stayed intact because of my mentor and I assure you many others couldn't experience life without one.

Every kid has a different story, a different obstacle that stands in their way from being the best part of themselves. It takes all kinds of influences and mentors to drag that person out of them and point out that they exist. Guidance, motivation, and emotional support are just a couple qualities that make up the people who bring us out of our teenage mindset. I assure that every good mentor carries at least one of these elements under their belt. I also assure you that we are who we are because of the people who put us on the path to success, encourage us to believe in ourselves, and keep us from letting our negative thoughts drive us. We would be lost without them.

APA Citations

Bender, L. & Carmody, D. (Producer) & Van Sant, G. (Director) (1998)

Good Will Hunting [Motion Picture] United States: Miramax.

Rollins, H. (1994, January). The Iron and The Soul. Details Magazine, Volume 12(Issue 8), 1–5.