tired, exhausted, miserable. anything to describe the overbearing pain in her chest. she felt absolutely drained. yet she still held on. onto what? even she doesn't know. faded memories? the person she thought she once knew? probably.
she held on. her breath quivered with every inhale, and broke with every exhale.
where was she? somewhere busy probably. the honking and buzzing of cars blurred into static in her ears. she stared at her feet placed dangerously close to the road.
she sighed. a big and heavy one. one that held desperation, desire and pain. she closed her eyes and let herself soak in the atmosphere.
her tear stained cheeks felt cold against the gushes of wind blowing at her way. what was the point really. crying, letting out so much, thinking you've released all of the pain, only to do it again two days later. useless drops of water tainting your cheeks. what was the point of crying so much. its just another temporary way to cope.
she said this bitterly in her head. but even then, she couldn't stop the stupid tears from flowing down. there goes another wave.
the night looked pretty, at the very least. the dim glow of the streetlights, the sky that held an infinity number of stars.
she sat at the side of the road, exploring her own mind. she looked around from time to time, hoping for, longing for any sort of comfort or reassurance.
but nothing ever happened, nothing ever did. it was just her, her and guess what, her. extra loneliness.
her chest felt heavy, like a weight was pulling her down from freedom. what even was freedom anymore. she felt burdened. she carried a heavy load everyday.
it all happened on one..unhappy morning.
she woke up and immediately regretted it. her stomach churned and her head spun. she couldn't understand why but she felt.. resentful? but at what? a pinch of bitterness and irritation but to who? to what?
she woke up one day and felt irritated at her whole existence.
and that happened on the consecutive mornings. every single time. she woke up feeling annoyed that she even did. she was having an epic dream. why did her useless need to open her eyes and greet the world exist.
she was sad. just abit. she needed a shoulder to cry on. desperately. she woke up every morning on the verge of another breakdown.
so she decided to take it all out, right here right now. she cried, and cried, and cried some more. who knew bridges were such a good place to vent out.
the bridge. ah, somewhere she considered her second home.
she takes it back, its her only home. not even her house felt like a home. it was just a building that catered to her bare necessities.
some nights were spent standing under the light rain, at the edge of the bridge. she loved every single droplet. how it covered her skin like a blanket. only then would she feel safe and comforted. she loved the way the raindrops rippled on the river below. she loved the city lights emitting a light glow in the midst of the night. she loved everything about nights like those.
unfortunately there was no rain that night. just her and her thoughts. at least it was breezy.
after another session of burying her head in her knees and trying to find some sort of warmth, she stood up. quite reluctantly honestly. she didn't want to go home. she felt out of place there.
