In love with my husband

Chasing my Insecurities away (Avishek's POV)

"Why aren't you eating?" Vikram, my colleague and best friend's voice snapped me out of my daze.

"What?" I asked.

"You've been playing with your food for past 10 minutes." he said looking at my lunch, "does it not taste good?"

"No, I was just thinking about something." I said looking at my food.

Ever since last night, I couldn't focus on anything. Last night was the most I'd talked to my wife of 27 years. Mom had told me to watch out for her since she suspected Seema had not been eating well, but I waved it off saying, she was eating fine. And she was, we had breakfast and dinner together. I'd know if she was skipping those. But I had not thought about her skipping lunch.

My heart had constricted painfully when she said she didn't eat lunch because she was alone at home. I don't know why I was suddenly feeling all this. All my life, she was a stranger, a stranger who slept with me in the same bed, a stranger who was a mother of my children, but regardless, still a stranger.

Today, as I sat down to have lunch in my office, all I could think was if she had eaten.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" Vikram asked again. "I know it's not because of the food, I've tasted food made by your wife. It's fantastic."

It was fantastic. She was a good cook.

"Is it Ruchika?" he asked after a pause.

I snapped my head up to look at him. She hadn't once entered my mind today.

"No." I said. I looked at the time and changed topic, "We had an appointment with client right now. Who did you send?"

I owned a photography business. A client had contacted us for their son's wedding photography.

"Sushant" he said shoveling a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

Lunch was over, talking about business and we went back to our respective cabins.

By the end of the day, I was ready to pull my hair out. I couldn't focus on anything. Never in my life, I was in this hurry to go home. I picked up my phone several times to call her and ask but couldn't.

Normally, I'd be the last one to leave, but I left the office before it was even 5 today.

I reached home around 5:40 and went straight to the kitchen. She was always in the kitchen. I entered and just as I predicted, she was making tea and Ruchika was working on the vegetables, probably for dinner tonight.

Ruchika was the first one to notice and smiled, "Oh, you're here. You are fast today."

Seema turned to look at me and cocked her head to the side, as if waiting for the answer.

"Yeah, there wasn't much work today." I said, opening the fridge, pretending to get a water bottle.

"Tea?" Seema asked.

"Yes please." I replied. She turned to do her work, but I couldn't move. I wanted to ask. I don't know why I was so desperate to know if she ate lunch properly.

Because of mom, I thought.

Liar, my mind mocked.

I ignored the voice and moved to the bedroom to freshen up. I kept thinking of ways to ask indirectly.

I entered the kitchen after finishing my business. There was my tea waiting for me at the table.

"How was your work?" Ruchika asked.

I was strangely disappointed on hearing her voice.

Man, something was going on in the weather. I'd been feeling strange ever since yesterday.

"Okay, as usual." I replied.

I had my eyes on Seema to see if she asked anything, but she didn't. She never did. We didn't have that kind of relation.

"Lunch was good today" I said nonchalantly, taking a sip.

I saw her back stiffen but she still didn't turn.

"Oh yeah? It's not good every-day?" Ruchika asked cheekily.

"No, that's not what I meant. I- "I narrowed my eyes at her. "It's good every-day."

Ru 'hmm' ed but Seema still didn't say anything.

Fuck it, I'm just going to ask.

"Did you guys have the same too?"

"No, I made fried rice today. We had that today. It was delicious, right Seema?" Ru asked.

"Yeah, it was good." She turned to give a smile to Ru.

I was frustrated. She can turn to answer Ru but not me?

Well at least, she ate something.

Dinner was a quiet event. After everyone moved out, it was just me and her. We didn't talk much. We never had anything to talk about anyway. After Ru arrived, there was some chatter in the house. That woman can out speak anyone. We just answered and reacted to Ru.

After dinner, all 3 were in living room watching TV when Ru's phone suddenly rang. She looked at it, made a face and put it on silent.

"How long are you going to do this?" I asked her. Every-day, her husband called her, every-day she ignored.

She was silent.

"Do you want to end the relation? Or mend it?" I asked again.

She still didn't answer.

"If you are going to end it, do it so that you can get closure. If you are not, talk to him, be honest with your feelings. Don't keep him in the dark." I advised.

"I don't want to end the relation. I love him. It's just, I don't want to talk to him because I'm going to go running back to him. I need to sort out my feelings first." She said quietly.

"You should at least talk to him. He must be worried. At least tell him you are fine and that you will be back." I said.

She seemed to mull over it and nodded her head in decision. She took her phone and went out of the room.

"I thought she wanted a divorce" Seema said suddenly.

I looked at her, looking at the direction Ru went.

"No, she never came to India wanting to be away from him. I think it's because she wanted to start over her relationship. She wanted to sort out her feelings before turning a new page." At least that's I thought. She didn't talk much about her husband, but whatever she talked about, I could gather this much that they both loved each-other and she didn't want to separate from him.

Seema turned to look at me. She looked at me for a long time as if trying to analyze something. She opened and closed her mouth few times, looking like she wanted to ask me something but decided against it.

Finally, she nodded and turned towards TV.

We sat in silence for some time before she said, "I don't think she is going to be back. She went to talk to her husband, didn't she?"

"Yeah, we should go sleep." I said.

We turned off the TV, closed the lights and went to the room. Doing our usual night routine, I realized, even though we were strangers, we led a domestic life. We might not be a regular husband and wife, but our lives were intertwined with each other. We may not love each other, but we both had our own share of responsibility towards each other.

Maybe, we were not strangers as I thought, we both had a relationship with each other. A weird one, but still, a relationship.

Seema's doubts are being cleared bit by bit. Don't you think so?

That's all for today. Please vote and comment if you liked it.