what happens when we die? what will happen when she does? i don't think i'll be able to handle it. i feel like every day leads closer and closer to her end. what if she takes her final breath and no one will know? what if she leaves and everything's wrong. i won't get to say goodbye, i won't be able to take it. i love her so so much i don't think my heart would be able to handle losing her. she's been there since forever. if she left then i'd lose myself. i'd spiral down the deepest holes of despair and bad coping mechanisms, id no longer be a year clean. itd be as bad as it was three years ago. the darkness taking over. like a candle with only so much of the wick left, when it goes out darkness consumes everything around it. i don't want the darkness to take over. i don't want to feel the sting, of the bloody addiction. i don't want my friends to see me become that zombie again. the zombie that punched walls, hurt people, the zombie that cut like her life depended on it, the zombie who'd rather rip out her hair than sleep. the one who had a painfully fake smile plastered on her face. i can't lose you. you're too important to me. please be okay. please. please. i can't lose you. i can't lose you too.
please.
