18 - h.s

eight

Sophia Elliott

I stood in the shower, the water cascading down my body as I stared into the space in front of me, beginning to completely space out from what I was doing and where I was. I stood completely still, my eyes fixated on the blank space in front of me.

I can't believe I almost had a full on anxiety attack in front of Harry and Niall today, the thought of that terrifies me. I just know for a fact that Harry would use that against me at some point if it did happen today, Niall definitely is not the type to do that, and I'm not sure if any of the other boys are either, sure, they're all a pain in the ass but Harry really seems like the stand out prick of the group, even Liam doesn't seem that bad. 

Something about Harry just doesn't sit quite right with me, I just wasn't able to put my finger on what it was. But there was definitely something off. 

I snapped from my trance from the sound of banging on the bathroom door and my brother shouting for me to get out.  I turned the shower off, the sudden lack of hot water making me shiver as I stood in the chilled air of the bathroom with the now cold droplets of water still clinging to my body. I reached over through the opening of the shower curtain and grabbed my towel, instantly wrapping it tightly round my body in an attempt to regain some sort of warmth.

My eyes were bloodshot and red, my under-eyes were puffy from crying which I prayed that Josh didn't hear, I really didn't need to be quizzed tonight, I am really not in the mood. I splashed some cold water on my face and wiped my eyes, trying to make it go away as soon as I could so I could leave the bathroom with no questions of if I'd been crying. 

I leaned in closer to the mirror and placed my hands on the side of the sink, not realising how tight I was gripping it. I stared into my eyes and then they roamed my face, picking apart every part of myself that I could. A sigh, that came out a lot louder than i intended it to be, escaped my parted lips as I used my hands to push myself away from the sink and turned to face the door.

I took a deep breath and swung the door open, making Josh thud to the floor as he was leaning his back on the door, waiting for me to leave. I couldn't help but let a laugh escape from my mouth as he whipped himself back up from the floor and looked me dead in the eyes, his irritated expression leaving his face as he furrowed his eyebrows and a much softer expression crept onto his face. 

"Soph, wh-" I quickly pushed him out of the way and walked towards my room, disregarding his protests and repeated calling out of my name, avoiding his questions and slamming my door shut, again a lot louder and harder than i meant to. I leaned against the door and sighed. 

he noticed.

Shit.

Well, now I need to avoid him as much as I can so I'm not answering questions every two fucking seconds.

I flew my hands up to my face and walked over to my bed, sitting on the end of it and leaning my elbows on my knees, keeping my face buried in my hands. I could feel myself growing overwhelmed again, the sound of the clock ticking began to grow louder and echo, even the sound of something so small and insignificant growing too loud and too much for me or my body to handle. My chest began to tighten and I took a deep breath, in an attempt to try and control my breathing which quickened more and more with each second that passed. My mouth was bone dry and I pulled my hands away and looked to my bedside table to see the glass of water that once sat there was empty, brilliant just as I needed it. That's just how my life seemed to map out, at this point.

 As soon as I need something, it's never fucking there. 

I sighed, standing up from the bed and began walking over to it. I swiped the glass from the table and stopped at my door, listening if josh was stood outside. I was acting as if I were a fucking criminal hiding from the FBI. I shook my head and flung my door open, seeing Josh stood at the top of the stairs, leaning against the wall. His brows were furrowed and he seemed deep in thought over something but I decided that was a problem for another time and I swiftly pushed past him, Josh not even having the time to react to seeing me leave my room and I began to bolt down the stairs, trying my best to avoid him. 

I knew I couldn't avoid him or my problems forever but i was going to try for as long as I fucking could. 

"Wait! Don't go down there!" I heard echoing from the top of the stairs as I reached the bottom, not knowing what he was talking about and clearly not caring at this point in time. I walked over to the kitchen sink, my heart beating out of my chest as I leaned one arm against the sink and filled my empty glass with water. 

It was as if I hadn't had a sip of water for weeks, my mouth was so dry and it felt like not even a gallon of water would even scratch the surface to fix it. I took in a deep breath, my lungs expanding until they simply wouldn't anymore and I exhaled loudly, before bringing the glass to my lips which, I'm gonna be honest, hadn't seen any kind of lip-balm for a good few weeks.

"Hi Sophia."