July 6th – 1988
Over the last seven months I have killed more people that I killed in my last year at HYDRA. Which by no means is an accomplishment.
I'm still having no luck, and all of this failure is beginning to build up. I'm growing frustrated, not only with the entire situation, but how I'm letting Y/N down everyday by not being there with her.
It pains me to even think of the torturous things being done to her. I'm not sure I can help her. I want to, more than anything in the world. But what if I am too late by the time I get there?
Y/N'S POV :
June 6th – The last three weeks have been filled with missions. Killing, capturing, hurting, blaming, you name it, and I bet I have done it.
I wish to remember what life was like before HYDRA ; was I always a kill machine? It is hard to feel any sort of way towards my behaviours, given that I have no recognition of emotions.
Sadness isn't even something I can begin to comprehend, let alone happiness. The only thing I feel is anger. Desperation to unleash my demons onto all of my victims. Not one of them is important to me.
I've heard people speak of love, when they talk of marriage and children. I laugh at the sound of it. Who could look at a person and instantly devote their entire life to them? What would that leave them? A stuck up asshole of a husband, who wants them for nothing more than their own pleasure.
Another thing I didn't understand. However not something I am unfamiliar to. Punishments come in many forms, and none of them are gentle. Physically beating someone is not the only way to harm them. After all, I would know – I'm not exactly one to follow rules.
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Bucky x Y/N - Life In Hydra
FanfictionMy father always warned me the world was a difficult place. But I never really understood the extent of his words. Until, I was kidnapped by HYDRA. Forced to adapt to their standards and way of life, I was practically brainwashed of what life was li...
