Adoption

Chapter one

Hey everyone I am Tina and I am going to tell you about being adopted Has anybody had an experience where their heart actually stopped for a while, and was later brought back to life? What does it feel like?

I've had surgery before (although minor surgery, but I still underwent anesthesia). And all I remember was I was laying on top of the operating table and they told me to breath in the anesthesia and do a countdown from 10 to 0. I think I only counted to 7, and then the next thing I remember was I woke up on the hospital bed after the surgery. It's the like the time period while I was in surgery never existed. This is kind of how being adopted feels. Hear is how it feels.
"Chosen" is a word that is suppposed to make an adoptee feel better about being adopted.

In the first place, it's not really accurate. What actually occurred was the adopters CHOSE to become parents that way. They didn't CHOOSE any particular child. The fact is, they eagerly accepted whatever child they were offered. If it wasn't you, it could just as easily been another child. The point being, it doesn't really matter to the adopters because they still got a child by choice.

What choice did the adoptee have in all this? I think it emphasizes to the adoptee that their purpose of being here is to fulfill the adopter's dreams, not their own. It also makes a child feel different, and not really in a good way. I've known some adoptees who did feel special when they heard themselves called "chosen" when they were younger only to grasp the full meaning of "chosen" when they got older. To be chosen, one must first be "unchosen." I've also known adoptees who believed the "chosen child" story and conjured up images in their minds of children in orphanages, nurseries, or on store shelves, like commodities, waiting for a taker. Doesn't do a lot for the self-image.

Additionally, it lends the feeling that if one were "chosen," there might be a higher expectation of something in return from them to the adopters. Maybe that's where the "grateful" aspect comes in. It also doesn't acknowledge that for every family that "chooses" a child that way, another family loses a child, parents, & extended family that way.

It ranks somewhere up there with "gotcha day," meaning with some words, the relationship is not centered on the child, it's centered on the adopters who did the getting or the choosing, and are clearly the beneficiaries. So if that's supposed to make an adoptee feel better and special over all the other children who could have been adopted by them, even if well intended, I think it falls short.

Remember: When somebody "chooses," somebody else "loses."