𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭

𝐈'𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬

Just a little warning there is going to be a make out scene-well a bit more than that- so if you're not comfortable with reading it I'd suggest not to.

I'm bad at writing smut so be easy on me. 😂

"Unexpected this thing that fell into
Lie, so connected." I hum softly while I pull the strings on the guitar. I look at the ceiling while I feel Timothée lay his eyes on me.

"You came at a time when my heart was selective
Didn't have to choose my love was accepted, yeah." I look back at him his legs crossed as he sits on my bed listening intently.

We made it to our new motel yesterday and had some spare time because the next round is tomorrow evening.
Technically I should be writing new songs but it was so peaceful with just him and I that the song lyrics flew to my head.

"Now I'm learning you like one-on-one
You were sent to me like a one of one
And, now we're going hard just one-on-one
Nobody else." I sigh and stop singing putting the guitar away when I turn to my side to look at him.

"Why did you stop?" He asks me confused while he lays down on his stomach so his face is closer to mine.
"I should be composing new songs not sing ones that already exist."

"You have enough songs for the next two upcoming rounds. You don't need to stress so much Arwen." He says as his finger grasps a red strand from mine playing with it. I know he's right but it still feels weird to not compose something. The task for the finale is to compose a new song but we still have two rounds to go who knows if we're going to make it to the finale.

I turn my head to the side to look at him his eyes staying on the strand in his fingers. He looks beautiful like this his dark hair getting some highlights from the sun that shines through the window. I'm happy that he came along even though he probably shouldn't. "What is going through your head?" He asks me softly and I blink surprised when his eyes lay themselves on my face.

My cheeks heat up embarassed that I got caught but I mean who wouldn't look at him? Everyone who'd deny it would be lying. I shrug my shoulders because I don't know how to answer his question. "Tomorrow is your birthday." He speaks up again and I furrow my brows confused because he's right.

How could I forget my own birthday? With me already celebrating back in Chicago it almost felt like I already had my birthday. I mean it's nothing special anyway every year I get older but I'm still the same person. I'm still Arwen who loves music, who's scared shitless of the future and wants to pause the beautiful moments like this one right now to live in it forever.

"It's just a day like any other. I'll spend it with the people I love and I'm grateful but it's not something that will change anything. I'm still the same old Arwen."

"Yes you are." He says a small smile on his lips and it sounds like it's something good coming from him. He lays on his side so he can look at me and our close proximity makes my stomach flutter. I can count the freckles that lay over his nose and my hand twitches before I move it forward and touch his cheek.

My eyes follow the movement of my fingers as they trace his facial features. Timothée closes his eyes and it seems like he's holding his breath. It's so different to see him like this, vulnerable. He's always so confident and well known it feels good to be in control this one time.

"I like you." I breathe out quietly and he takes a deep breath in. "I know." He says and opens his ayes who flash at me intensly. My hand stops on the side of his cheek. "It doesn't change anything though does it?" He asks me and I smile because he's right.

I can't do this to Jenna no matter what weird connection Timothée and I have. I feel at ease with him, I'm not thinking about college or the next upcoming round. It's just him and I in this protected bubble of nothing. He puts his hand over mine and intertwines our fingers.

"If you would let me I'd do anything for you Arwen. I'd lay the world in your hands if that's what you want." My throat closes up at his words because no one ever told me this. Is this what it feels like? Everyone talks about their first love, as something that you will never forget something raw and beautiful.

I didn't expect it to feel like this. It's like Timmy and I are the same person, he knows what to say in just the right way. He's connected to me in a way no one ever was to me. His soul and mine are one just like mom and dads are.

"You know it's not right just as much as I do." I tell him closing my eyes when his nose touches mine. His scent moves all around us and makes me all dizzy not knowing where I actually am. "Then why does it feel right?"

It's not right. Maybe it was supposed to happen like this. Fate send Jenna Timothée so I could feel the wonder of my first love but it's not supposed to last. I'm grateful for knowing him and having him by my side but that's it.

He starts to move his face his lips grazing my cheek and I hold my breath surprised. "What are you doing?" I ask him scared that he will kiss me because I don't know if I can or will stop him. "I'm exploring what I could have if we weren't in this fucked up situation." He whispers his lips tracing my jaw and down my neck.

My back arches in an instant as goosebumps rise over my skin. He leans over me his hands grasping my hips pushing my back against the mattress. "We shouldn't do this." I say not having the strength to stop him when his hands wander under the material of my shirt.

"I know." He breathes out as his lips kiss my collar bone. Oh my god this feels good. It's like my hormones are rushing through my whole body as he slowly pushes the shirt off my body. He stops for a second looking at me and the look in his eyes makes my body grow even hotter.

He starts to kiss a trail down my stomach and I know there's this little voice in my head telling me to stop but it's too quiet, too weak. His mouth stops at the edge of my jeans and I look down at him to see that he's already looking up.

He stops asking me for permission quietly and I nod lifting my hips up so he can get rid of my jeans. My body is so hot the less clothes the better. Would this be any other guy with me I'd probably feel insecure and burn up to be so exposed but not with Timothée.

Not with the pure sight of adoration in his eyes. I sit up and grab the hem of his shirt making him hold up his arms helping me. I push him down on the mattress and sit on his lap starting to kiss his jaw slowly.

I'm carefully avoiding his lips because I know if we kiss today there is no way back. "Arwen." He groans my name and it's like music to my ears as I look up at him to see his eyes squeezed shut. He has this reaction because of me. He's just as lost as I am when he touches me.

I grab his belt and unbuckle it pushing his pants down his legs. He sits up and puts his hands on my hips slowly starting to move me. We're just in our underwear but it feels like we're naked.

He creats some friction between us and I let out a small sigh at the relieving feeling. He looks up at me and it makes my heart beat faster that he's watching me. He wants me to feel good and puts his needs away so I can feel this.

I put my hands on his shoulders for some balance and look into his eyes when something builds up deep inside of me. It's strong and I know it's going to overpower me. It's something primitive and so natural that I close my eyes so I don't see the fascinated look in his eyes.

He groans and I let my head fall in my neck when it comes. A rush flows through all of my body and something makes itself clear as I experience this new thing. I'm in love with Timothée Chalamet.