Waterparks mini stories

Everybody hates you, People miss the old you!

Song on loop - Snow Globe

This chapter includes feeling of depression and feeling lost in yourself so please read at your own risk ⚠️

Before reading I would like to say none of my chapters are real they are created by myself from my imagination based on how songs make me feel , stay safe 💕

Awstens POV:

What have I become?

That's the one question that ran circles in my mind as I watched my reflection in my bedroom mirror, the dull broken reflection I wake up too every morning and it creates a spiral of thoughts in my mind.... thoughts I would much rather not think about.

The bigger Parx become and the more fans we get I start to feel like I don't actually know my real self and its kinda scary im not gonna lie.
I'm slowly becoming what people on the internet want me to be and not the Awsten Knight that couldn't stand up for themselves for shit a couple of years back.

Don't get me wrong I love my fans, they mean the world to me, sometimes it feels like they are all I have to live for because love is never really an option for me anymore but they make me out to be this amazing guy that's good looking and some king when really I'm a guy in my 20s that had a dream to create a band who suffers from anxiety and has trust issues.

At least they love me right?

But can I really call it love?

They don't actually know me, they think they do but...they don't.
I'm starting to think even Geoff and Otto don't really know me and they have been my best friends for years, I guess you could say I'm really good at faking a smile.
So good I think I'm starting to trick myself into believing I'm someone I'm not and that's when you know things are bad.

I can look out into a crowd, all the shining lights of phones taking endless amounts of pictures and videos and my lyrics getting screamed back at me with the biggest smile on my face but inside I feel numb....almost empty if that's even a feeling.
I'll walk off the stage people still screaming and cheering our name over and over probably hoping we will run back on stage for one last song.

Geoff come up to me for a hug filled with adrenaline from the show we just played, the feeling I want to feel the rush and pure joy of just coming off stage and playing to hundreds of people but instead I just walk pass him wanting nothing but to be back in my bunk lying there awake till 3am.

"Do you know what Awsten? I miss the old you"
I heard a voice says from behind me, I turn around to see Geoff standing there a mixture of upset and almost anger on his face.

I look at him confused at first lost what to say to such a comment. Geoff never spoke to me like this, he was normally always smiling or laughing trying to bring up everyone's spirits.

"Don't give me that look Aws you know exactly what I'm talking about"
He said taking a step closer to me causing my anxiety to rise, why was he doing this? It was the last night of tour, why now?

"W...What?"
Was all I managed to stutter out.
God, I hate my stutter....
Everyone hates my stutter that's why I try my best not to do it... the internet can be a horrible place and even when fans are meant to adore you some can honestly be cut throat.

"You've become fake Awsten, do you even know yourself anymore?"
He asked grabbing my arm causing me to flinch and stumbled back.
I was honestly lost for words; I could feel my throat going dry and closing up and my eyes trying to water but I wouldn't let them.

I pulled my arm away from his grip and I ran out the venue and past the bus not really knowing where I was going and not turning back when I heard people screaming my name.

The memory runs circles in my head like a broken record over and over and now that I'm home alone is when I allow the tears to fall leaving damp patches on my jeans as I sit on my bed looking at my reflection not answering my phone that has hundreds of miss calls and text messages.

Even when I hear the knocks and voices from my front door I don't move from my spot and the fans probably think I'm dead from not seeing one of my all-caps tweets and honestly maybe that's what I want...

If the old Awsten Knight is dead why can't this one be dead too right?

All I was doing was being the Awsten they made me into....

I really hope you enjoyed my first chapter of my waterparks mini story book , please leave a comment if you feel they always mean a lot! I haven't wrote anything in a while so hopefully they get better from here on ~